Jun 7, 2009

The mandatory annual senti post

There are some days when I stand back and ask myself some hard questions...

Like:

“Just what the hell are you doing on this planet?”

“What is the whole damn purpose of your existence?”

“Name ONE useful thing you have done in your life! Just one!”

“You told yourself you’d be a millionaire by 25. How many zeroes to go?”

“Will you ever say ‘I love you’ to a girl?”

And finally, as a dear friend put it eloquently, after a nice booze session, “WHO WILL DIE WHEN YOU CRY?”

It’s not often that this happens, but when it does, the answers are not comforting at all. These questions, they sting. They remind me of the utter useless of burdening this fragile little rock circling the sun with my seventy plus kilograms.

It’s on days like these that I prefer to lie in my bed and sleep off. Because in my dreams, I am the king of all I survey, and there are no little voices asking uncomfortable stupid questions.

And therefore I slept today. The entire day. Woke up only to answer phone calls from people who tried to assure me that I was not as useless as I imagined.

And oh, also stayed awake to watch Roger make history. Although I am an out and out Rafa fan, this still feels special. 14 Grand Slams!!! That’s the second historic thing to happen on June 7.

The first, of course, if you haven’t guessed by now, is that it is the birthday of the most useless person on earth. An event that was heralded with mandatory cutting of cake, mandatory kicking of butt, and mandatory giving of treat.

Now, normally, I consider myself a very pragmatic person. And little voices in my head have often questioned the futility of celebrating an event in which I had no influence on, where I played no part in bringing it about, where I can claim no credit of making it happen, you get the drift...

But somehow, birthdays always make me go full senti. I become all nostalgic, reflect on how lucky I am etc., Strangely, this time around, all I have been thinking about is how I haven’t done anything useful in all the 26 years of my existence.

I guess this is what happens when you grow older. You go from wishing for Ferraris to questioning your self worth. Thankfully, a little voice in my head tells me “But kids don’t have to be useful.”

And , I sooooo don’t feel grown up. Because I am not. And probably, never will be.

Cheers to that!!!

***************************************************************
PS: Note to self: Never blog after multiple rounds of Old Monk. Your writing, even when you are sober, is indecipherable.

PS2: People, if you can't make sense of this post, blame it on the fact that I am slightly drunk. And fully senti.

17 comments:

  1. Anonymous5:37 PM

    I asked myself most of the questions you mentioned here...just 3 days back on my bday.. minus the booze!
    I felt a bit old on that day..but I think I am better nw! :P

    --SS

    PS: Belated birthday wishes!Have a fab year! :)

    PPS: Nice read..even though u were drunk!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous9:18 PM

    I also once in a while ask myself these q's. But then to judge myself I use the good old tool:

    Relative Grading!

    I am sure you would agree that both of us are doing quite well by that yardstick :-)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Welcome to my life, aka the extended Quarter Life Crisis. You'll get over it soon and realize eventually that most men are born mediocre, and the rest of us have mediocrity thrust upon us from every possible angle. It's an uphill battle and no one can predict the outcome. :)

    Happy b'day.

    ReplyDelete
  4. @ Anon SS:
    belated happy birthday :)
    and tnx for the wishes...

    @ Anon:
    indeed, RG has saved my ass for the entire 2 years at SP...

    dunno abt the doing well part though... and since you havent given your name, dunno how well you are doing too :)

    @ Idling:
    Oh, I am thankful for mediocrity... i couldn't survive in a world which did not reward mediocre people!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Good to see a fellow Nadal fan.
    Deep down im sure Roger knows the French Open trophy truly isn't his until he beats Nadal there and wins.
    Just like Rafa did at Wimbledon.

    ReplyDelete
  6. And Happy Birthday, albeit belated. im sure you would have enjoyed it more had Rafa won this time too at Roland Garros.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Oh come on! Bdays are for questioning where you have got in life and wondering the age-old question...who's gonna cry when you die...i mean sure...the family is going to shed some tears, but well they are almost required to!

    ReplyDelete
  8. @ Anjana:
    I was a Federer fan... still think he's the greatest ever... the very reason I root for Rafa is b'coz he has made the greatest player ever weep :)

    and as for the "im sure you would have enjoyed it more had Rafa won this time too at Roland Garros."

    I did not have a TV till 3 weeks back... and I bought one hoping to watch Rafa rock again... total disappointment now :(

    @ Liberal:
    er, the moot question there was "Who will die when you cry?"
    the original one by Robin Sharma is too boring for us...

    ReplyDelete
  9. Roger cries for everything. He cries when he loses too. the fellow is a sore loser.
    Nadal is a much better sportsman any day.

    ReplyDelete
  10. @ Anjana:
    When you are the greatest ever, losses become hard to take... he is not just competing with Rafa, but with the entire line up of legends from the past who have ever played tennis :)

    that said, if your government presents you with a cow when you win Wimbledon, i think it is ok to cry :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  12. "the greatest ever" is a matter of opinion. I believe Nadal is the greatest ever and am yet to see him behave like a cry-baby. I also dont recall Borg or Lendl or Graf for that matter take losses so badly. Recall that poor Lendl never won Wimbledon despite being the semifinalist and finalist quite a few times. Heck, even the top ladies players behave with more restraint and take losses in a better spirit. I believe all these players had/have as much pressure as Federer.
    Suffice to say that he is ONE of the top players out there but lacks to an extent the good sportsmanship of many of the top players out there.
    Just for the record, his excessive melodrama is just one of the many factors that influences my opinion of him. As for the other factors-I believe this is neither the time nor the place to go into a protracted discussion.

    ReplyDelete
  13. drunken posts ROCK! :) happy bday once again..have a fab day and year ahead of u...

    and dont let ur "fight" with anjana get in the way of all celebrations..though im lookin fwd to see how far it will go / end :)

    ReplyDelete
  14. @ Anjana:

    ""the greatest ever" is a matter of opinion. I believe Nadal is the greatest ever and am yet to see him behave like a cry-baby."


    Agreed. However, when Pete Sampras and even Rafael Nadal opine that Roger is the greatest ever, who are we to argue with that? I'm an out and out Rafa fan, but I'll reserve the 'greatest' title till he wins a few more Slams.

    "Heck, even the top ladies players behave with more restraint and take losses in a better spirit."

    Does this in anyway hint that it is ok for women players to cry? Bcoz as a certified MCP, that feels good to hear :D

    "Just for the record, his excessive melodrama is just one of the many factors that influences my opinion of him. As for the other factors-I believe this is neither the time nor the place to go into a protracted discussion."

    May be you should do a post on this... I'll come and carry the protracted discussion on your blog :)

    @ Fiona:
    tnx for the wishes...

    and I don't see any 'fight'... after all, I had stated in my post itself that I am a Rafa fan.

    ReplyDelete
  15. "May be you should do a post on this... I'll come and carry the protracted discussion on your blog :)"
    -okay. but dont hold your breath. :)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Anjana, don't.

    If you support Nadal too much, I shall trace down your address and come and destroy you.

    Oh. This is not an empty threat.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I asked myself most of these ques, got mildly freaked out, and told myslef never to do that again. It'll happen again tho...similar q's will crop up next yr. Hmph

    Belated bday wishes! :)

    ReplyDelete