Sep 23, 2009

DDLJ in limericks!!!

Yet another extremely silly post. The prospect of another 3-day weekend, coupled with some lighter workload in office, could be the possible reason behind such continued inanity.

So, sit back, give your brains some much needed rest, and enjoy... DDLJ in limericks!!!


We open with a shot of the strict father,
his grim set face indicating some bother,
And even as he feeds yet another dove,
you know he's gonna oppose beti's love,
that's something even a novice can gather!

We cut to Kajol chasing a moving train,
you think all her running will be in vain,
at the last minute, SRK gives her a hand,
a scene so magical, you search for the wand,
but why couldn't he simply pull the damn chain?

Look, there's Kajol in a sexy cocktail dress,
oh my god, my eyes pop, this one's backless!
and as they cruise across breathtaking Europe
in some corner of my mind, flickers a small hope
maybe this movie won't be such a boring mess!

But no, SRK hams on with his irritating "Senorita"
while Kajol acts as if she's the next Ramayan ki Sita!
Well, she does dance after having too much to drink
but even then all that my bored mind could think
was that sin theta by cos theta equals tan theta!

Next we see the hero baring his romantic heart
claiming to have been struck by a Cupid's dart
but the lady claims that she is her father's pet
and hence she'll marry a man she's never met
and on this tearful (snif) note, they both part...

"Bye bye dear, remember, don't you lose hope"
while the problem seems more than we can cope...
"C'mon now, gimme a cute smile, don't look so sad,
I'll come to India and convince your mom 'n dad"
But no, we won't take the easy way and elope...

Thus, we cut to Punjab, the land of fields so green,
Mehendi, songs, dance, the typical wedding scene,
All seems lost, till the hero arrives on the farm,
and wins over everybody, with his famous charm,
even the cobra of the dad is now dancing to his been!

But to win his girl, our hero puts up a fist-fight,
as if to show this lover boy also has some might,
ah, what relief, they show (finally!) "The End"!
I stagger out, "Howz the movie?" asks the friend,
I quip "Kajol in a towel, quite an exquisite sight!"


PS: Acknowledgements:
1. The cable guy for showing some songs of DDLJ over the weekend, thus triggering my nostalgic hatred of this movie that everyone else seems to love.

2. The evil gang of autowallahs, who refused to go where I wanted, for some reason best known to them, forcing me to walk some 40 minutes. Leading to my mind running riot.

3. An old crush, in whose memory, I had written this long back...

"When life throws up challenges that you can't cope,
remember one simple thing, there's always hope!
C'mon now, smile a little, don't look so sad,
I'll find a way to convince your mom and dad
else, my darling, why don't we just elope?

Just tweaked what would have turned into an inane senti personal post into this :)

4. Friends, who shall remain unnamed unless they want to reveal themselves, who happenned to bring up 'hope' in a conversation, leading me to dig out this long-forgotten tripe. You shall share part of the blame for this stupid post.

Sep 18, 2009

Career Choices...

We are so happy with the prospect of a three-day weekend that we couldn't help coming up with a totally random, totally silly post. And since three day weekends leave us feeling like royalty, we can't help referring to ourselves as 'we'.

Anyways, here goes...


Q. What did Vijender Singh's mom say when he donned gloves for a career choice?
A. Arre yeh kya pagalpan hai! I'll have to knock out this nonsensical idea!

Q. What did Abhinav Bindra's mom say when he refused to give up a rifle for a career choice?
A. Shoot, that sonofagun is really focussed!

Q. What did Jeev Milkha's mom say when he insisted on picking up a golf club for a career choice?
A. I guess I have no choice but to putt up with it!

Q. What did Vishy Anand's mom say when he politely asked if he can pick up a chessboard for a career choice?
A. I don't know, I'll have to check, mate.

Q. What did Sachin Tendulkar's mom say when he picked up a cricket bat for a career choice?
A. Let's see, we'll have to bounce that idea with your dad and hope he doesn't smash it.

Q. What did Saina Nehwal's mom say when she wanted to smash a shuttle for a career choice?
A. Well, I'm only afraid your dad might create a big racquet.

Q. What did Leander Paes' mom say when he decided to make tennis his career choice?
A. Well, I was hoping you'd become a divorce lawyer, but I guess it is destined that you'll just go to court and break up with your best partner.

Q. What did Narain Karthikeyan's mom say when he revved up behind a set of wheels for a career choice?
A. Go ahead son, I'll not stand in your way.

Q. What did an average-no-name-Indian's mom say when he contemplated commerce for a career choice?
A. Aieee Saala, you have to do engineering.
And the boy meekly said "Jee Maa".

PS: Couldn't resist that last dig at the engineers. As usual.

Sep 13, 2009

Extoll mystery spiel... or Sell mystery exploit...

Imaginary convesation among bankers...

Banker 1 (B1): Hi buddy, long time no see, so what's your bonus?
Banker 2 (B2): Not all that great! Didn't even touch six figures!
B1: What are you saying? After all, you guys slog so hard for the damn cash!
Banker 3 (B3): Yeah, and that too at a bank accused of being land scam hogs!
B2: Your bank ain't all that great either! It is accused of being an analyst monger!
B1: Yeah, and I heard your traders moan strangely every time they lose money. And all they do is rant about money and gals.
B3: Hey, our bank got no measly grant from the government. After all, unlike your bank, we did not have an abhorrent man at the helms.
B1 (looking at his Blackberry): Anyways, got to go. Loads of work pending.
B2 & B3: Bye!

PS1: Inspired by this news. Never knew having a name which is an anagram of the place you work for makes you CEO material.

PS2: For those who are still scratching their heads, the italicized words in each sentence anagram to a bank's name. Some repeat the same bank.

Ps3: Er... the title is also an anagram. 3 words. Result of my usual goofing at the anagram solver.

Sep 12, 2009

Trip to Chennai

Warning: Long pointless post. Like most ones in this space.

Since the last post, things have improved. Thankfully, Ms.Asthma wanted just a one-night stand this time around.

The week started off well. I was to catch a train to Chennai on Sep 3, and I reached VT (ok, Raj, Chattrapati Shivaji Terminus!) without any issues. In spite of the fact that it was Ganapathy (or, Ganpati as Mumbai makkal say) Visarjan. And no, I wasn't running away from the threat that I may be mistakenly drowned by drunk revellers. Though my friends like to hint at it, not too subtly.

One of my good friends (and for a very long time, the only reader of this blog who did not call himself SRK) was getting married.

And though it has been ages since I wrote this post, I wanted to see if I was still nostalgic about sleeper class. I walk in, and it looks like a ghost compartment. Yes, 72 seats, and not a single person other than me (and the voices in my head). I was slowly getting the joke that my father had made when I mentioned that I was taking the Madras (ok, MK, Chennai) Mail. "The train that stops every time a buffalo wanders within 5 metres of the tracks to let it pass.", were his exact words.

Anyways, I had a very interesting read to give me company. A 150 page report full of descriptions of once-through boiler specifications, cooling water chemical dosing pre-treatment and other engineering stuff that I attempt in vain to understand. And after failing spectacularly, start writing posts cursing the damn engineers. You see, unlike mere mortals who carry a boring novel, we nation building champions of infrastructure lug along mega power project project reports. Small sacrifices for lighting up the country.

I drowsed off by the time I was in the second para of the executive summary of the report. I wake up to the sounds of chai garam and bread aamlayte. Smell of vada pav and bhajia.The stink of the loo (I was in seat 72!). People. And more people. Three guys sitting in what was supposed to be my seat. And telling me they'll get off at next station, tension nako. Aah, good bye empty train, welcome nostalgia.

And while I struggled through civil works and mechanical design, the stations hurtled past. And I drowsed off again. Yes, the train takes a day and two nights to do the Mumbai-Chennai distance.
This time, I was woken up by the tap tap tap of a police lathi on my berth. And before I could yell "you can't arrest me for killing that cockroach on my berth", he drawled "Chennai Central" and moved on to the next berth. Phew. Why hadn't my alarm gone off? I looked at my watch. Damn Indian Railways, how can Madras Mail arrive 1/2 hour before time. My dad might say there were no buffaloes near the track.

Having been forewarned about the greedy auto rickshaw guys of Chennai who think meter is such a peter concept, I just hopped along to Park Station and caught a local train. To St. Thomas Mount. Why does Chennai have such peter names for stations? Leave the Elphinstones and Currey Roads to Bombay and have more stations with names like Pazhavanthangal. Uphold Tamizh tradition I say.

Blame it on the effect of having stayed in Bombay for 11 years now, that I expected Nanganallur to have naked chicks. OMG, I am making lame indhi payyan jokes. Shudder.

Couldn't do too much sight seeing in Chennai. Short two day visit, punctuated with visit to uncle's place, visit to cousin's place where the 1 year old niece absolutely refused to come anywhere near me (in spite of chocolate bribes), and I spent most of the time at the wedding hall.

Which brings me to the only point of this post? Where have all the pretty girls gone? I was given coffee by a azhukku veshti payyan, there were no cute faces at the entrance sprinkling rose water, all the malli-poos were on the head of old maamis... damn, even the girl who sang Mukunda Mukunda was not an Asin lookalike, but a tiny eight year old!

PS1: The pretty girls may be missing, but the food continues to be divine. Thank God (and the caterer) for that! If I had to choose between a good girl and a good payasam, I'll go for the latter. Unless the good girl can make good payasam...

PS2: And the friend, in spite of agreeing with my Mehendi post, had two big red circles on his hands. Traitor!