May 24, 2008

Why I don't do movie reviews...

This blog is being updated a bit too infrequently for my liking. I try to hide behind the excuse that I am too much overburdened with work, and thus haven't been able to devote the time and the effort needed to write...

Plus, I am running out of PJs and crappy rhymes... and my 'senti' type posts make me feel like a stranger in my own blog... So, I was thinking of topics on which I can unleash my tremendous writing skills on... and thought, the easiest way to fill up a blog is to watch a movie, and then praise it to the skies or rip it apart...

But, try as I might, I couldn't get myself to do even one movie review... Some of the reasons, in no particular order, are listed below:
1. I don't watch too many movies, especially of the first day first show kind. In fact, by the time I get to watch a movie on my laptop, even the desperate movie marketing guys would have stopped putting the "Super Duper Hit!!!" and "25th housefull show" kinda ads in newspapers and hoardings.
2. I am a very nice guy. I might dislike a movie, but I still appreciate the hard work that went into making it. From the sucker who financed the dud movie with his black money, to the star who turned up late for shooting fully drunk, from the starlet who sucked up to the above-mentioned sucker for the role, to the script writer who copied scenes from Hollywood DVDs, a lot of people put a lot of effort into making a movie. I find it distressing that people watch a 3 hour show and rip it apart, with no regard for the months of effort that went into making the movie. I can't possibly be so mean. Ask my friends. They'll tell you how much of a 'nice guy' I am.
3. OK, I admit, I am not a really nice guy. If I have watched a dud movie and wasted 100 bucks on it, I at least want the pleasure of knowing that other people also went to the same movie and wasted their money. After all, if the movie is not paisa vasool, the only way to get some value for the money sunk is to gloat in the knowledge that you are not the only sucker around (not counting the producer, but hey, he got to suck up with the starlet). So, if I dislike a movie, there is no incentive for me to let people know that it is trash and warn them not to watch it. Not that they would listen to me, but why take a chance of denying someone some pain?
4. Now, you might ask, "Ok, if you dislike a movie, don't review it. But you can always put nice reviews of good movies..." That again is a problem. I usually do not like a lot of movies that people rave about. I slept through DDLJ, thought Rang De Basanti was jingoistic, and couldn't stop laughing when SRK (not me, the real 'six-pack' wala) said "sattar minute, sattar minute hai tumhare paas" in Chak De. The only reason I sat through HAHK was Madhuri. So, not much scope there.
5. Last but not the least, I watched Vivah start to finish. Twice.

So, I decided that I won't do movie reviews. Can't risk the feminazis knocking on my door for my interest in such regressive themes. Although, if they offer to burn their bras, I might be interested in watching them taking it off...
alas, the article says "there was no burning, nor did anyone take off her bra..."
Women! They never do what they say they will!!!

May 3, 2008

to BE or not to BE...

It all started when I got my X standard results.
"So, are you going for engineering or medical?" asked my class teacher.
"I am taking up Commerce... ", I replied, a bit meekly.
"I don't know. I don't think I can do science..." (frankly, I had no idea why I took up commerce... all I remember is that I convinced myself that Physics and I don't see eye to refractive eye... and Biology was something that I hadn't evolved enough to understand.)
"You have such good marks. Why do you want to waste it all doing commerce? I suggest you prepare for IIT-JEE."
"No ma'am, I have made up my mind. I am taking up commerce."
She had a resigned look on her face, a look which said "If you want to screw up your life totalling numbers on the left and right side of a page, who am I to convince you otherwise?"

The above dialogue was repeated at every instance, with every known and unknown neighbour, sundry uncles, friends etc... I suspect even the street dog stopped barking when I cycled past it, thinking "I wouldn't want to waste my bark on this commerce nobody." And, I kept thinking, "What's so great about engineering?"

I came to Mumbai, joined a commerce college, and did reasonably well for myself at studies. But the questions persisted... "You know, you could have taken up Engg.", someone or the other would remark... and I would think, "What's so great about engineering?"

I did an MBA, and met some of the brightest engineering graduates from the premier institutes of the country, people who could do calculus in their mind, people who said "beautiful ^ n" when they saw Aishwarya dance, people who I actually believed could heat up a cup of tea by just concentrating their thoughts; but when it came to the Accounting course, the same people could only muster up something, which I would politely describe as an 'Imbalance Sheet'. And, I would think, "What's so great about engineering?"

Then, I got this job, and encountered strange, incomprehensible variables like gross calorific value, heat rate, p-i-n junction, ZnO coating, electrons, holes, joules, watt and watt not...

Slowly, I stopped asking "What's so great about engineering?"


PS: But, at the end of the day, I can still balance the Balance Sheet...