Dec 23, 2007

HR goes to war!

The Hell Raisers (HR) group was tired of gaalis hurled at it by all and sundry... in fact, people had made it a habit to dial HR from anonymous numbers, and mouth the foulest words they can manage, whenever they felt bored of the mind numbing work...

"We can't let this go on", thundered Head of HR, who called himself Great Wise Brain (GWB)...
"We will show them our true might"... agreed VP of HR, who headed the War Against Tirade-ism... he also heads the COmpensation LImiting Network (COLIN)...
"People can be with us or against us... since nobody wants to be with us, inspite of the pretty faces in our department, they must be against us", the Chief announced, steam coming out of his ears...
"We will accuse them of WMDs (Workers Mocking Discipline) and bomb the hell out of them", agreed VP-HR, fantasizing about stripping the workers and dragging them around on a leash, in a prison called ABUse the Gharibs...

And so it was decided... HR will go to war against... against... er, they had as much idea about the enemy as any GWB ever will...

HR is very meticulous... So, before they announced their war, they went about planning religiously...

They first organized a seminar on "How to go to war", and invited GWB's father to lecture on how to telecast the same on Cartoon Network Nextgen (CNN)... but the troops fell asleep... live on camera

Then, they had a motivational lecture series for their troops, in which they simulated war games... after all, playing games together builds team spirit and enhances morale... but there was much infighting over the points sytem used for appraisal... with the troops accusing their bosses of favoritism... some men even accused their bosses of giving extra points to pretty faces...

Once they returned from the all expenses paid vacation called 'Training Workshop for War', they printed a long form, with questions like "What was your most significant learning?" and "Feedback for the next training program"... but the troops were too tired to write those answers down... they simply ticked "yes" under all questions, including the one on "Is the mess food the most delicious you have ever tasted?"... which is when GWB realized that the troops are not even reading the questions...

They also designed a psychometric test to verify whether the troops has the Emotional Quotient to go to War... but most of the troops flunked the test big time, even when there are no correct answers...

Finally, one bright young HR manager (yes, they do exist!) saw the 'big picture' and told GWB, "If our troops get so frustrated doing all this, why not inflict the same on those who give us gaalis? So much more effective than bombing the hell out of them, plus we won't even lose a single soldier from our side..."

GWB, having read Sun Tzu and realizing that the greatest victory is in defeating the enemy before he swipes his access card, smiled an evil smile, and said "So be it"

And, thus, my dear friends, HR waged a war and won it without us even realizing it...

3 comments:

  1. zombie10:19 PM

    3 days... and here comes the santa with his condolence comment... oh btw, one of the dudder posts :(

    ReplyDelete
  2. @ zzz:
    tnx Santa ;)
    and oh, the writing quality is like the Sensex... some days it crashes...

    ReplyDelete