Dec 1, 2007

Illegal Dreams II - The Proposal

Pls make sure u read part I, before you read this:


So, I was going to propose to her. But then, I don't have enough courage to say it. (ah, a coward, even in my dreams!)

So, I write out a love letter:

“I, son of Mr. ___, residing at ___, (hereinafter referred to as the “first party”), seek to enter into a contract with Ms. ___, daughter of Mr. ___, residing at ___, (hereinafter referred to as the “Second party”), to offer certain services (as enumerated in Annex I) and avail of certain benefits (as enumerated in Annex II). The contract will be for an indefinite period, terminable at the option of either party, or in case of death/incapacitation/insolvency of either party. The contract will be subject to Indian laws, and in addition, will also be subject to in-laws.

Annex I:

The First Party agrees to the following set of positive and negative covenants:
1. The First Party shall not partake of any substance which contains alcohol/tobacco/non-living animal, without the explicit permission of the Second Party.

2. The First Party shall not observe/look/stare/whistle at or otherwise misbehave with any member of the species of the Second Party. Seeking of permission shall lead to termination of contract, and payment of damages to Second Party.

3. The First Party shall restrict contacts with other members of the same gender to one evening per month, subject to the provision that the Second Party has been given due notice thereof and express permission has been obtained. Permission granted under this clause does not imply permission for any act specified in the previous clauses.

4. The First Party shall promise to remember all the anniversaries that the Second party may require him to remember, either through express communication or through implied conduct. These dates may include, but are not restricted to, the date of first meeting, the date of first communication, the date of first arm contact, the date of first lip contact, the date of Second Party’s third cousin’s birthday, the date of Second Party’s fourth pet dog’s vaccination day and such other dates that may be added to this list from time to time. No notice need be given to the First party as regards addition of dates to the said list, and the First Party cannot claim ignorance to the facts.

5. The First Party agrees to provide certain articles to the Second Party periodically, which may include but are not restricted to a pair of diamond earrings, bunch of flowers, perfumes, scented candles, stuffed toys and such other items that may be added to the list from time to time. No notice need be given to the First party as regards addition of dates to the said list, and the First Party cannot claim ignorance to the facts.

6. The First Party also agrees to remove the Asin Wallpaper from his desktop, and put up a picture of the Second Party in place thereof. The First Party also agrees to delete/cut or by other means remove all the pictures/videos/wallpapers/screensavers which may be deemed objectionable by the Second Party.

7. The First Party agrees by express consent, to grant all decision making powers as regards place of accommodation, decoration of said accommodation, spending of monies, timing of physical intimacy, name and place of education of children and any other contingency not covered herein, to the Second Party.

8. The First Party also assign the right to the Second Party, by express consent, to alter, add or otherwise modify the above clauses.

9. The First Party agrees to have read and understood all the above clauses, and his obligations thereof, and claims to have been in full possession of his mental faculties, except for the legally unrecognizable factor called ‘blind love’, and hereby signs the document as an attestation of his agreement.

Annex II:
This space has been intentionally left blank.



And then I woke up...

and how do I know I was awake, and not just dreaming I was awake?

b'coz when I turned over, there was no dream girl to kiss :((


  1. take rest... go to a bar... have beer... this is a real bad case of legalesiosis and the only cure is through the alcoholic purgification of these toxins from the brain...

  2. Consult Bejan Daaruwala before indulging in any such act in the best interests of both parties!

    Boss this post is making me also talk such language! Goyyala .. Olunga eluthuda!

  3. @ Anand:
    or I could jus take a crocin and TusQ ;)

    @ Ashish:
    yes yes, legalesiosis is a highly contagious disease..

  4. Dear SRK,
    It wud b an understatement to say that u r a rare person with great gifts of wit and humor. Notwithstanding the intimate clauses of drawing the boundary between lust and attaction, this one is a legal masterpiece in addition to being a million dollar love letter.

    As far as giving up so many rights are concerned, I guess, the gal has to be better than Asin and more lovable than anybody else in the world..
    But, yeah b4 indulging in such activities, I agree with monk, that take a rest, go to a bar, enjoy ur last moments of freedom.

  5. @ Stam:
    "great wit" - tnk u tnk u
    "legal masterpiece" - any half lawyer will poke a hundred errors in this
    "million dollar love letter" - i'll settle for half a million ;)

    "giving up rights" - happens in all marriages re...
    "better than Asin" - well, man lives on hope...

    and the bar advice is well received... plan to do just that ;)
    hope the bartender doesn't ask for a legal permit in triplicate