Sad day for Bollywood...

Just as I open my favourite newspaper (Bombay Times, what else?), the headline hits me hard in the place where it hurts most. It reads:

Tip: Read the fine print.

I rubbed my eyes in disbelief. No, they can’t do this. C’mon Mallika, you have seen the effects of another tribute first hand. You still had the balls, oops nerves, to do this?? I can imagine the director telling Mallika “I have always had this Khwhaish to Murder the Madhuri song. I loved Madhuri till she married that NRI doctor. So, now I am experiencing Pyaar ke Side effects.”

Well, I thought things couldn’t get any worse. But then, there are three things you should never overestimate: Bollywood, Sensex and myself. Just when you thought the depths have been reached, we’ll drive you underground with a new low.

So, I turn the pages, only to be greeted by this:

This time I was sure there had been a Spoonerism. I was eagerly looking forward to know which miss was being given a kiss. But all my dreams were shattered. It was like BT politely reminding me that I stink and that I should go shake a tower. Such a blushing crow to my heart.

The article was unbelievable. I am sure BT had decided to play their annual April 1 spoof article a bit early this time. But, I was the fool after all. A sentimental fool at that.

The article continues:

Amrita Arora! Geeta Basra! Udita Goswami! Tanushree Dutta! Refusing to kiss??? What next? Payal Rohatgi and Sherlyn Chopra in a burqa clad role? Bollywood can’t get any worse!
I mean, Tanushree Dutta wants us to appreciate her intrinsic beauty and histrionic abilities? And not her bare back? My cup of woes floweth over!

But I found this most interesting “Tanushree Dutta says she would find it embarrassing to face her parents if she kissed onscreen”

So, here goes another imaginary conversation… Tanushree Dutta’s Dad (TDD) and TD herself:
TDD: Er, what was that on your lips in Aashiq Banaya Aapne?
TD: Emraan Hashmi
TDD: Was that, oh my god no, was that a KISS? :O
TD: Oh c’mon, papa don’t preach. For aspiring starlets like me, a liplock with Emraan is like CAT for IIMs. Everyone has to go through the experience, irrespective of how screwed up you may feel at the end of it.
TDD: Oh, then it is ok. I always wanted to see you do an MBA. But you went an enrolled in that Miss India pageant.
TD: Aw c’mon Papa, and work on stupid excel sheets? You must be out of your mind. And who said Bollywood doesn’t have managerial skills. Read my interview in Indian Express, that Journalism of Courage. I said, “Bollywood is Bollywood! We still have our traditions and customs intact. It's just that we have learnt the art of glamorising and packaging everything. Good and bad products are packaged so well to be presented to the masses. The skin show is just a part of packaging. I guess the industry is becoming very smart in its managerial skills.”

Er, madam, where is the art of packaging everything? Shouldn’t it be unpackagaing? When Bollyowood starlets start using terms like ‘managerial skills’, ‘packaging’ et al, you know there couldn’t be a sadder day for Bollywood.

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Acknowledgements:

Pic of Tanushree Dutta: Neeraj Diwan, Noida, India

Tagline of Indian Express: a friend who incidentally works for HT Media.

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