Apr 26, 2009

I am too lazy to think up a funny title...

The atmosphere was tense. Everybody knew that business was bad. They had racked their brains all night to come prepared for this meeting.

The CEO began: "As you all know, the global slowdown has affected us too. Clients are no longer willing to spend as much. We need to come up with new ideas to survive in this market. Any creative suggestions?"

"Our business hinges on customer delight. And newer positioning might help excite the customer. And of course, bundling of our offerings to ensure more sales", the VP-Marketing was tossing off cliche after marketing cliche.

"I thought our customers liked our offerings unbundled", quipped the CEO.

"Unbundled in a sense, but grouped together", explained the VP-Marketing.

"What about our yields?", asked the CEO.

"I see a flattening of the curve, which should be good for our business", the CFO was talking in a language of his own.

"How can a flattening of the curve be good for our business?", the CEO again.

"We need to tighten our belts and sweat our assets", the CFO was also prone to cliches.

"We need to squeeze more out of our employees; We need to pull up our socks", the VP-HR was not too far behind.

"Iis evident none of you understand this business. If anything, we need to pull up our frocks and loosen our belts. And make sure our assets don't sweat", the CEO sounded a bit exasperated. "I agree with the squeezing though", he said thoughtfully.

And thus, after much to and fro, the business started with offering unlimited deals during off-peak hours, "day passes", discount for seniors and regulars etc.
PS1: While the meeting is defintly fictional, the story is real.

PS2: For a mind bereft of funny ideas, such an article is a god-send. I thank my roomie for forwarding this link. Though am not too sure whether he wants to be associated with this.

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