Brahmins demand reservations

The Vengayam,

Special Correspondent, Tamb(a)ram.

Hundreds of brahmins attended the election rally of Sattanathapuram Venkataraman Shekhar (S Ve Shekhar to fans), who has come up with the audacious idea of demanding reservations for Brahmins in Tamil Nadu. The sitting MLA from Mylapore announced that he has quit AIADMK, and is going to present a demand to the CM on this issue.

S Ve Shekher has thus once again proved he is a master of comedy. After all, what can be a bigger joke than quitting a party headed by a brahmin, and presenting such a demand to the CM who heads a party thriving on anti-brahminism. If you don’t find that funny, please look up the meaning of ‘irony’ in your dictionary.

There was a slight misunderstanding when S Ve Shekhar announced that he is pushing for reservations for higher education. One Iyengar mama protested loudly, “Why only Iyer education? What about the poor Iyengars?” to which some smart alec Iyer dude had shouted, “Iyengars-ukku namam thaan.” Fortunately, the Iyer dude was chased away, what the locals termed as “pattai-ya kelappitom.”

This reporter diligently picked up reactions from the crowd to gauge the pulse of the assembly. Several youngsters were seen pulling their trousers up at the waist with both hands, in a tribute to the great leader.

“The ruling parties have systematically eliminated all brahmins from important positions. Where are all the brahmins? Enge Brahmanan?” remarked Cho Ramasamy, slyly slipping in an advertisement for his own show. “Jaya TV, 8 pm” he added, before being beaten up for promoting the channel of the rival party supremo.

“Yes, we have put up with this discrimination for too long. We will not make any further sacrifices” exclaimed a mama, coincidentally named Tyagu.

“Palakaatu brahmanalukum reservation kudukanam tya. Naangalum tamizh peshuvom aakum” bellowed another mama, simbly known as Mani. If the name doesn’t ring a bell, fret not, for every third person in Palakkad is called Mani. The other two are called Ambi and Kutty.

However, the highlight of the rally was the widespread support for S Ve Shekher. When he thundered at the end of his speech “Who can take the brahmin community backward?”, the crowd shouted back in unison

"S Ve Can! S Ve Can! S Ve CAN!!!"

The slogan is already touted as one that will change the history of mankind. Watch this space as we strive to bring you the latest updates on this.

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PS: Apologies to the non-Tams. Some of the (non?) jokes are too colloquial to be translated.