“Sir, woh media-waale roz sawaal pooch rahe hain. Ki hum kya action le rahe hain”, his aide jolted him out of his dream dance sequence with Koena Mitra.
“Arre, main kya action loon yaar. Main kaunsa Obama bana tha, maine bola tha kya change laaunga? Saala, mere pitaji ek acche CM the, toh yeh log mereko CM bana daala.”
“Sir, toh yeh media waalon ko kya jawaab de? Sir, aapko prove karna padega ki aap is kursi ke laayak ho. You have to be seen taking decisions sir!”
“Sahi bola. Chal, jaldi ek file la.”
The aide rushes back, shouting "arre, koi file de do jaldi! CM saab aaj decision lene ke mood mein hain”
He returns with a file. It is about a park being constructed in Andheri (W). Two councillors are warring over who gets the rights to name the park.
CM barks at the aide, “Chalo, is matter pe jo bhi interested parties hain, unko bulao. Aaj ek decision liya hi jaayega.”
Notice is sent out. All interested parties turn up. After all, no one refuses a CM’s summons.
“Ok, ab ek ek karke batao, kya problem hai?” the CM intones, in his best judicial imitation.
The local councillor (hereinafter referred to as “LC”) starts off, “I want to name the park after a great late Shiv Sena leader, a person who ensured that the city’s moral conscience was kept clean.”
Upon which, local MLA (henceforth “LMLA”) interrupted, “We want to name the park after a great lady, whom no one has seen, but everybody respects because she gave birth to an emperor. She signifies women empowerment. If the LC’s own party could rename Victoria Jubilee Technical Institute after her, then we should also have the right to name something after her.”
“They are insulting the great lady by naming a small park after her!” jumped the LC.
“So, you mean to say that by naming the small park after your great moral leader, it is ok to insult him?” the CM asked.
LC blushes, his great living leader, the Tiger of Mumbai, hadn’t includes the answer to this in the script he taught. (Link not given, because the Tiger doesn't need any links. He even cut off links with his nephew)
“Sir, aap kahin door chale gaye?” the aide gushed, in his best Appu Raja constable imitation.
CM blushes too. After all the brickbats about inaction on police reforms and citizen safety, praise feels good. So what if it is only from your ass licking aide.
“The great leader named a small park for us, does that mean we were being insulted?” an old man and his old wife asked angrily. They refused to give their names, and asked to be reported as Nana-Nani.
The LC did not know what to say and where to look. His great leader, not the dead one but the living tiger, has now made him look like one of his famous cartoons. May be he should shift to another party, but then even Chagan Armstrong didn’t fare too well after jumping ship.
“The late great leader was also very concerned about our clothes not falling off, and saving us from embarrasment. He even demanded a probe into the matter. He should be honoured with something bigger. May be we can name the fashion week after him?” said a model, whose name sounded something like a Christmas song.
“That’s very Gracias of you”, said the other model who had lost her clothes at the fashion show too, but this reporter was too busy staring at her to note down her name. “A babe who can pun, whatte fun”, he was mentally rhyming.
“Yeah, he saved me too from considerable embarassment. This element-ary director made me kiss that old Shabana aunty, and I did it in the name of artistic compulsions. But he ensured that no one could watch the movie. Thanks to him, I wasn’t approached when they made Girlfriend. But he also opposed Rockford, till I convinced him that it was not a rock show”, crooned an actress, who starred in the aptly titled Azhagi.
“Ok, matter closed. Stay order on the naming of the park”, the CM announced.
He was too grossed out by the notion of anyone kissing old Shabana aunty to think further.
“I protest. You are insulting the intelligence of 227 councillors!” the LC suddenly remembered his lines.
“Indeed, I am. What are you gonna do about it? Burn yourself?”, the CM sniggered.
“You just wait and watch. I am going to precisely that!” the LC stormed out.
The CM beams. He is worthy of this chair after all.
Inspired by this:
PS: People not very familiar with the politics of Great State may not be able to relate to the post. Our response, "amchi blog, amchi topic!!!"