Oct 16, 2007

Age of Vampires

Endless hours of playing Age of Empires (AoE) through the night, after long hours at work has resulted in this stupid post. Proceed at your own risk!

I have always wondered why the makers of the AoE game did not include an ‘Indian civilization’ in the game. I mean, you can’t blame it on a westerner bias – after all, there are Chinese, Japanese and Korean options in that game.

Thus, as a loyal fan of the game, I am suggesting that they release an updated version of the game with an Indian civilization. Some indicative characteristics (in no particular order) which may be incorporated have been provided: (see, free consulting… offer open till my sanity lasts)

Villagers once used for a task will perform only that task. i.e. once a villager has been ordered to cut wood, he is assumed to belong to the ‘woodcutter caste’. The same villager cannot be asked to mine gold. If you still force him to mine gold, all the other gold miners will stop work to protest that their caste is being polluted.
Villagers will demand rest every five minutes during a game. Denial would result in strikes, bandhs and lock outs. If a ‘bandh’ option is erased, a ‘full day fast’ will be undertaken where all activities will cease in favour of fasting.
Villagers will kill one another occasionally.
Villagers who are put to work as ‘Farmers’ will suddenly commit suicide.
Women villagers should always be used in groups. If any woman villager is working alone in any corner of the map, the remaining villagers will molest her.
Some areas will always remain ‘dark’, irrespective of how many times it has been explored.
Trading of any resource at any point of time may be banned. No reasons need be given.
One unique advantage in this civilization would be the ‘no population limit’. Population will increase automatically at the rate of 2 people per second, irrespective of resources available.
Villagers will always look to migrate to other players’ towns. The most able villagers will flee to the enemy, work for him and send part of the resources back. Whenever they decide to come back, they will expect the rest of the villagers to welcome them with open arms and to kiss their feet.
Priests/Monks will not convert enemy units. The Hindu faith does not believe in conversions. Of course, units which have been converted by enemies can always reconvert. They will have to take three dips in a water body to do so.
There will be a celebration of freedom every 10 minutes. All the villagers, irrespective of whether there is enough food or gold, will chant ‘India Shining’ or ‘Incredible India’ alternatively. The enemies may be knocking down our towers and castles, but we will still celebrate.
Any deal made with allies would be subject to pressures of democracy. Thus, the same player can agree to share resources with a right click, but can object to it with a ‘left’ click. This process will continue till the allies turn into enemies and come to attack us.
Soldiers would not be allowed to use horses, elephants, camels or any other animals. They would have to get written permission from the Animal Welfare Board (headed by one Menace-ka Gandhi) before they train any animal for warfare.
When an army is formed to attack the enemy, the army should contain one villager for every three soldiers. This is part of the reservation quota, and can be increased whenever the villagers lobby for more lucrative positions in the game.
The ‘advance age’ option will always be one generation behind other players.
Half the weapons used during war will misfire. The enemies can use either ‘Bofors’ or ‘Black Label’ as cheat codes to ensure that the Indian weapons don’t fire.
Any dome shaped structure resembling a mosque will be brought down by the villagers. It does not matter whether it belongs to us or to the enemy players.

Ok, I have many more suggestions, but this is the ‘demo’ version of the idea. For viewing the full list, you will have to purchase my licensed version!

PS: For those blessed souls who don’t know what AoE is… “Be thankful. Your life is still in your hands.”


  1. owwwwsummmm da...

    i think they dint put the indian civilisation becos the player controlling the indians would be playing with himself... he would have no time for other civilisations... and every once in a while the enemy king will just come over and sit in some castle built by us, build some roads and buildings and take gold back... we will not even realise that he is actually doing our economy good, but we will go and fight for freedom... and some campaign "hero" who will be thin and emancipated and will have 10000 hitpoints - but he wont hit the enemy...

    in a way it is good it didn't happen that way...

  2. ha ha ha...
    monk, u wud hv made a very good natural harilal... akshaye khanna had to act out his role... :)

    leave the old man alone da.. we cud do with more of his pictures, especially on pieces of paper that have nice numbers written on them :)

  3. Kamal5:32 AM

    full marks for hitting right in the bulls eye with the concept bro!!!

    I think there shud b an indian civilization... problem is microsoft will find it hard to cover the varied multi faceted culture india has to offer when it comes to past civilizations

  4. Kamal5:34 AM

    for all ur AOE Junkies