The new love of my life

She is a model. A very lovely model.

I spend my entire day gazing at her. Getting lost in her myriad charms. Trying my best to understand her many facets.

I have spent many a late night with her. Just me and her. Spread out on a sheet. I go to sleep with her. I dream about her in my sleep. I wake up thinking about her. She dominates my thoughts. My dreams. My waking hours. She has made me forget Asin and Ash. In fact, she has replaced the Asin wallpaper I had on my desktop.

She is very demanding. She insists that I devote my time entirely to her and her alone. She ensures that she receives my fullest attention. Day and Night, Night and Day. Weekdays. Weekends.

She is very moody. She just clams up sometimes. Doesn’t communicate a single thought. Just refuses to talk. I just feel like walking away from her at times like these, but she somehow keeps me rooted to my seat. The only way to make her talk again is to yield control to her, alter her mood and delete everything else.

Other times, she talks a lot, but not in the language that I can understand. Her language seems to have no name, no reference point, and sometimes, no value. I try my best to decipher what she is trying to say, but after hours of effort, simply give up. And tear my hair in frustration.
Many times, I have a feeling that I understand the language, but then she links up so many seemingly unrelated things, that I have to go back and forth trying to make sense of what she is trying to tell me.

She even comes with her own assistant. Who tries his best to help me make sense of her. Animatedly gestures to me – dancing, rolling and doing impossible body contortions. But I hate him. He keeps interrupting when I least need him. Plus, his tips are no use to me. So, I pack him off, hidden away from my sight.

There are happier times too. Times when she has a very intellectually stimulating conversation. Times when I feel a real connect between us. Where nothing need be said, yet a lot is understood. When, after hours of effort, I arrive at that Eureka moment. When, suddenly, things fall into place. At times like these, I feel like jumping up shouting yippieeee.

Today, I had one such moment. After a whole week of pleading, cajoling, threatening, praying and banging my head, I finally understood what she is trying to say. And, I realized that if I press the right buttons, I can even make her say what I want her to say.

To celebrate, I went out and had a nice drink. No, not with her. She doesn’t drink.

If you are wondering when you can meet her, I’m sorry. She is ‘for my eyes only’. Only my boss is allowed to take a peek at her. That too, after I’m done with her.

But friends, please say hi to the new love of my life, the Excel Financial Model.

PS: You knew this was coming, right. After all, I am becoming too predictable nowadays.

PPS: If you can’t understand head or tail of what I have written above, don’t blame yourselves. One, I wrote this at 2.30 am, after working 12 hours and then having a few pegs. Two, unless you have spent a whole week trying to deconstruct an Excel financial model, you won’t understand or appreciate my feelings.