Women are bitches!

Women are bitches. Wait, why insult the bitches?

No, seriously. Can’t a guy walk down a road without being stared at, brushed upon or worse...

Just the other day, I am walking down the road, minding my own business. And first, I hear a low whistle. Then another. And before I realize, I am being followed by three absolutely loafer-type gals. It was late in the evening, and the only people around were more women. But I am a brave guy, so I turned around, took off my flat-heeled leather shoe (the only pair I have, btw) and was about to thwack one of the loafers. But thankfully, a crowd of more decently dressed women intervened and told those loafers off. Of course, some of those women stepped in only to impress me with their ‘lady-in-shining-armour’ routine, but then, what can you expect from these bitches?

I mean, c’mon, I realize I am good looking. Well-dressed of course. Smelling of success (and Set Wet Zatak!). But is that any excuse for random chicks to hit on me? Hell, don’t you have fathers and brothers at home?

And it is not just me. Ask any guy. Even the ugly ones. Yes, the same ones wearing those absolutely non-revealing loose fitting clothes to hide their paunch. And listen to their tales of woe. In fact, if I were to start a ‘full silence project’, and ask for clothes that men were wearing when they were hit upon by strange women, I am sure I would come up with a varied collection: not just speedos and bermudas and striped underwear and pink lungis with flower patterns, but even jeans (with no holes!) and formal trousers. Don’t give that excuse about the men asking for it simply by the clothes they wear! I can understand a pink flowery lungi being labelled ‘sexy’, but formal black trousers going from waist to toe! That too, with a white full-sleeved shirt!

I wish I could click a pic of every horny chick that has misbehaved in my presence and put it up on a website. If they are not staring in the general region of my crotch, they are trying to brush against my bum. Precisely why I avoid crowds as best as I can. But, being in Mumbai, how can one avoid local trains? And the darned ladies, even though they have a whole compartment to themselves, have to barge into the general compartment and abuse us? We need cops to protect us, I tell you.

And it is not just the uneducated juliets on the road. Why, even my girlfriend seems to be more focussed on getting me into bed rather than spend time talking about our future, our shared dreams, the house we will build... is sex all that you have in mind? So that you can boast about scoring with me to your gal pals while shopping for footwear?

And if one thought the parents would be more understanding, one is grossly mistaken. Why, the other day, my parents received a marriage proposal. And the girl’s mother demands that I should have a decent sized house of my own and a mid-size car before he can even consider marriage? This, from a post graduate professional working for an MNC? I told her, cattle and IPL players may be traded, not decent hard-working guys like me.

I am fed up with this female dominated world! I am organizing an underwear burning protest tomorrow. Care to join?

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PS1: Contrary to the first incredulous question that pops up in your mind, no, I was not hit upon by women. But you already know that even blind women somehow sidestep me when I walk in front of them!

PS2: Inspired from a idea given by a newfound internet friend; and an old incident during monsoon last year when I tested chivalry by offering to sit at the corner seat of the shared auto since it was pouring, only to refused by the lady (aunty?) since she didn't want to sit between two men. I realized that women would rather get wet than sit between two guys. Though how brushing one side of your butt with a stranger is any lesser of a shame than two sides still beats me, I began to look at the other species with a lot more sympathy from then on. Which means, take this as a tongue-in-cheek article and don't flame me for being insensitive :)

PS3: The 'full silence project', for those who didn't get it, is a take on something called blanknoise. A concept which I disagree with, but kind of understand why it is there.