Sep 23, 2006

In defence of round tummies

Once upon a time, 1 ½ years ago to be precise, I had a waist that would put most Bollywood actresses to shame. People used to accuse me of being too thin, and called me “skeleton”.

Then, I joined SP and all fitness discipline vanished. No more early morning exercises, food full of fat (parathas with butter and chocolate doughnuts), no more ‘natural workouts’ in the form of travelling in Mumbai locals (second class), and soon, my waist resembled a pregnant Britney Spears (remember her proudly posing nude when pregnant!!!). Again, people started accusing me of becoming fatter by the day ("kozhupu romba jaastiya pochu” in Tamil), and called me ‘mote’. Damn people, they just need a chance to call me names.

Then, I started weighing the pros and cons of a flat six-pack vis-à-vis a round beer gut. (especially with ‘ultra-thin’ models being banned in fashion shows abroad recently). So, here goes the defence of big, fat, round tummies…

In defence of round tummies (bullet points mein – true MBA style)

Ø A round tummy is a sign of saying, “I have arrived!!!” Your tummy can be a style statement which proclaims, loud and clear, “I have attained mukti. I don’t fear death anymore. I don’t mind dying by a heart attack, unlike you mere mortals who count every calorie and work your @$$ out in gyms.”

Ø A round tummy also means that the owner of the tummy is one who enjoys life without guilt. He doesn’t think of his waist size while having a sinfully creamy chocolate cake, he’s more into admiring the waist of the gal sitting across the table (who, btw, looks longingly at the said cake, but thankfully decides against it. Poor thing, a gal with a round tummy still means only one thing – main aapke bacche ki maa bannewali hoon!!!)

Ø Your girlfriend can use your tummy as a nice pillow – imagine having to rest your head on a rock hard six-pack. How boring!!!

Ø Your kids would love to jump up and down on your tummy, and would love you for it. (“Papa, I want a balloon just like your tummy” or "Papa, let's play tummy jump"). Of course, it would be impossible for a guy with a flat tummy to entertain his kids this way.

Ø Once you start with a round tummy, you can grow fatter and people would hardly notice. For a guy with a waist size 28, every millimetre increase around the waist would have people saying, “Oh my God, you are growing fat, man. Watch your weight.” (and the poor guy ends up handing over his chocolate cake to the jolly fat friend sitting next to him).

Ø Think Fat, Think Jolly good times. Christmas in the West (Santa Claus), Ganpati in India… East or West, Fat means Festive Season. A round tummy is a sign of saying, “I have arrived!!!”

Not for nothing did the wise men say, “Aadmi ka pet, aur ghar ka gate… bade ho toh behtar hai”.

Three cheers (hic) to a jolly round beer gut!!!

1 comment:

  1. dude ! u and a skeleton ?!! when, who, why, how ? please !! I dont want competition, at least in this field !