The Prime Minister looked at his Inner Council. "Useless bunch of idiots", he muttered to himself, "It has been more than a year. And I still have to do everything myself. From cleaning the streets to meeting the world leaders."
He took a sip of chai. "Shaanti, shaanti" he chanted in an effort to stay calm.
"Mitron, aaj ka agenda kya hai?" he asked.
"Media waale ka report hai ki there is a severe outbreak of 'social media outrage' in our country, Sir", said Amit bhai. The PM liked Amit bhai. He could be trusted to have a finger on the pulse of thevoters people.
"What are they outraging about now?"
"Anything and everything, Sir."
"Stone throwing at churches"
"Muslims not getting flats on rent"
"Our partyman's remark on Mother Teresa"
"Beef ban"
"Politics in IIT Madras"
"BBC documentary on the Delhi rape"
One by one, all the ministers listed the latest topics which had sent the people into a monstrous frenzy of hashtags and retweets (RTs are not endorsements) and facebook posts and whatsapp forwards.
"There is even a hashtag that says you have insulted India", said Amit bhai. He was the only one who could bring this up without fear of losing his seat.
"What nonsense? We need to formulate a response. Image is everything. Perception matters. I want a task force set up. In fact, let's create a Ministry of Official Response to Outrage with a dedicated Department of Internal Affairs. It will have an official website. Teams of bureaucrats will formulate official responses to all the topics on which people are outraging."
All the ministers applauded. Only Amit bhai sat silent. Deep in thought.
"What is the matter, Amit bhai? Don't you like the idea?" the PM asked.
"Idea? Matlab aaj se no ullu banaoing?" Amit bhai asked.
"What nonsense are you talking about?"
"A word in private, Sir. Before you go ahead with the idea."
The meeting was adjourned. And Amit bhai pulled his chair closer to the PM.
"Sir ji. All this outraging is good for us. Keep people busy thinking about politics in some elite engineering college, and no one notices that farmers are dying. Keep people busy defending the image of India with the white folks and no one notices that our cities are getting unsafe for women. The people themselves refute the notion. Why shut down outrage? It is the best thing that has happenned to us."
And the PM nodded appreciatively. And said "Ok, then let's go with a 3D strategy. Develop, Divert, Defeat. Develop new issues for people to outrage about, Divert attention from the real issues and we will Defeat all our political opponents."
Amit bhai smiled. The management graduates he had selected to work as the PM's speechwriters had succeeded too well. The PM was now coining catchphrases faster than that Kotler fellow.
And thus, India narrowly missed the chance to have a dedicated official website called moro.nic.in/dia.
*****************************
PS: Blog Anniversary today. So, a post had to be written. No matter how bad. After all, tradition demands. it.
He took a sip of chai. "Shaanti, shaanti" he chanted in an effort to stay calm.
"Mitron, aaj ka agenda kya hai?" he asked.
"Media waale ka report hai ki there is a severe outbreak of 'social media outrage' in our country, Sir", said Amit bhai. The PM liked Amit bhai. He could be trusted to have a finger on the pulse of the
"What are they outraging about now?"
"Anything and everything, Sir."
"Stone throwing at churches"
"Muslims not getting flats on rent"
"Our partyman's remark on Mother Teresa"
"Beef ban"
"Politics in IIT Madras"
"BBC documentary on the Delhi rape"
One by one, all the ministers listed the latest topics which had sent the people into a monstrous frenzy of hashtags and retweets (RTs are not endorsements) and facebook posts and whatsapp forwards.
"There is even a hashtag that says you have insulted India", said Amit bhai. He was the only one who could bring this up without fear of losing his seat.
"What nonsense? We need to formulate a response. Image is everything. Perception matters. I want a task force set up. In fact, let's create a Ministry of Official Response to Outrage with a dedicated Department of Internal Affairs. It will have an official website. Teams of bureaucrats will formulate official responses to all the topics on which people are outraging."
All the ministers applauded. Only Amit bhai sat silent. Deep in thought.
"What is the matter, Amit bhai? Don't you like the idea?" the PM asked.
"Idea? Matlab aaj se no ullu banaoing?" Amit bhai asked.
"What nonsense are you talking about?"
"A word in private, Sir. Before you go ahead with the idea."
The meeting was adjourned. And Amit bhai pulled his chair closer to the PM.
"Sir ji. All this outraging is good for us. Keep people busy thinking about politics in some elite engineering college, and no one notices that farmers are dying. Keep people busy defending the image of India with the white folks and no one notices that our cities are getting unsafe for women. The people themselves refute the notion. Why shut down outrage? It is the best thing that has happenned to us."
And the PM nodded appreciatively. And said "Ok, then let's go with a 3D strategy. Develop, Divert, Defeat. Develop new issues for people to outrage about, Divert attention from the real issues and we will Defeat all our political opponents."
Amit bhai smiled. The management graduates he had selected to work as the PM's speechwriters had succeeded too well. The PM was now coining catchphrases faster than that Kotler fellow.
And thus, India narrowly missed the chance to have a dedicated official website called moro.nic.in/dia.
*****************************
PS: Blog Anniversary today. So, a post had to be written. No matter how bad. After all, tradition demands. it.
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