Oct 15, 2008

Kidnap - not the review

I have been watching a lot of movies lately. The more movies I watch, the more I feel that I am a contrarian movie critic. Movies which a lot of people like, I normally don’t. Movies which are panned by many, I normally appreciate. Vivah was one. Kidnap is another.

Director Sanjay Gadhvi is a genius. He belongs to the league of the Wachowski brothers. After all, he has put so many hidden messages about the current politics of a foreign nation in a bollywood film.

Unfortunately, most of the film critics got too distracted by Minissha Lamba's cleavage and failed to appreciate the hidden message in the movie. Even GreatBong, who could derive messages on Chinese diplomacy from a Shakti Kapoor video, missed this one. Sigh.

Luckily for you, there are some people like this blogger who look beyond the cleavage (not without great difficulty, let me assure you), and try to decipher the hidden nuances in the name of public interest.

Don’t believe me?

What’s a hypothesis ‘without laying facts on the table’, to borrow a friend’s oft-used expression:

First, we have the Old Man. He played a soldier once upon a time.

And now, he plays a hardliner, who needs an assistant to just list down his enemies. He is too old for action, but sadly doesn’t realize it. And thinks he rules the world.

Next, we have a hot lady who once played hockey.

Now she plays a mom. Not just any mom, but a strict one who advocates abstention for her kid. The kid doesn't seem convinced and dresses up as if getting pregnant is her sole objective in life. Now, how many hockey moms who preach morals to promiscuous daughters do you know?

Then, we have their opponent, whom we shall call Young Man. Athletic build. Smart looking. Displays mature skills (like driving a car, helping out friend in distress) at a very young age. And the Young Man has suffered discrimination in his youth.

In a telling scene, we have the Old Man chasing the Young man. Young man climbs higher, widens lead and leaves Old Man panting and huffing in his trail. Prophetic? Time will tell.

Young Man makes the rules, and Old Man has no chance but to play by them. Every time he tries to play it differently, he faces road blocks.

Most astute viewers would have got the message by now.

But Gadhvi is a genius, who also ensures that he caters to the masses.

Thus, we have the most blatant clue: the leading lady.

Symbolic of the economy of the country-the-director-shall-not-name, stripped bare, drowning, but still intent on artificially pushing up ‘assets’ to gravity defying levels. Too dumb to realize the crisis and the danger, but somehow clever enough to stab the same person who ‘understands’ your need to ‘clean up’.

As I said, Director Sanjay Gadhvi is a genius. Pity, the critics don’t get it.


PS: Images from google search. Any who has copyright, kindly consdier yourself acknowledged.


  1. aah... the birth of the critic... the language was so cryptic too... but still let me summarize my understanding.

    1) watch the movie for minissha lamba !!!
    2) don't expect anything from vidya malvade.
    3) you will have lots of time to buy popcorn/coke and visit the loo when dutt is chasing imran.

  2. @ monk:
    That was soooo not the message... and this was sooo not a criticism of the movie...

  3. and FYI, vidya malavade is wayyyy hotter than miss lamba...
    pity she had to play the mom

  4. yeah... u r rite... i saw the movie... vidya is hotter than minissha... but minissha is a poor little 17yr old... she will soon grow into a fine woman... hopefully she still has those clothes she bot when she was a kid...

    and as for the cryptic clues leading to the hidden message for world domination... sorry dude - u literally need to be one of them characters to catch the drift at first read... :(

  5. Kamal6:56 AM

    guess the discussion finally just zeroed down to who is hotter in the movie !! not just the critics but people too have failed to take notice of Sanjay Ghadvi's genius :D
    Just for the info.. i have not yet watched it.... but i did catch a "sneak - peek" at the songs... if you know what I was peeking for ;)

  6. Kamal6:57 AM

    or should i say peeking at ?? :D

  7. @ kamal
    Naughty boy peeking at things-that-shouldnt-be-peeked-at-by-chamathu-brahmin-boys...

    time to tell maami to get u married off!