Why I don't do movie reviews...

This blog is being updated a bit too infrequently for my liking. I try to hide behind the excuse that I am too much overburdened with work, and thus haven't been able to devote the time and the effort needed to write...

Plus, I am running out of PJs and crappy rhymes... and my 'senti' type posts make me feel like a stranger in my own blog... So, I was thinking of topics on which I can unleash my tremendous writing skills on... and thought, the easiest way to fill up a blog is to watch a movie, and then praise it to the skies or rip it apart...

But, try as I might, I couldn't get myself to do even one movie review... Some of the reasons, in no particular order, are listed below:
1. I don't watch too many movies, especially of the first day first show kind. In fact, by the time I get to watch a movie on my laptop, even the desperate movie marketing guys would have stopped putting the "Super Duper Hit!!!" and "25th housefull show" kinda ads in newspapers and hoardings.
2. I am a very nice guy. I might dislike a movie, but I still appreciate the hard work that went into making it. From the sucker who financed the dud movie with his black money, to the star who turned up late for shooting fully drunk, from the starlet who sucked up to the above-mentioned sucker for the role, to the script writer who copied scenes from Hollywood DVDs, a lot of people put a lot of effort into making a movie. I find it distressing that people watch a 3 hour show and rip it apart, with no regard for the months of effort that went into making the movie. I can't possibly be so mean. Ask my friends. They'll tell you how much of a 'nice guy' I am.
3. OK, I admit, I am not a really nice guy. If I have watched a dud movie and wasted 100 bucks on it, I at least want the pleasure of knowing that other people also went to the same movie and wasted their money. After all, if the movie is not paisa vasool, the only way to get some value for the money sunk is to gloat in the knowledge that you are not the only sucker around (not counting the producer, but hey, he got to suck up with the starlet). So, if I dislike a movie, there is no incentive for me to let people know that it is trash and warn them not to watch it. Not that they would listen to me, but why take a chance of denying someone some pain?
4. Now, you might ask, "Ok, if you dislike a movie, don't review it. But you can always put nice reviews of good movies..." That again is a problem. I usually do not like a lot of movies that people rave about. I slept through DDLJ, thought Rang De Basanti was jingoistic, and couldn't stop laughing when SRK (not me, the real 'six-pack' wala) said "sattar minute, sattar minute hai tumhare paas" in Chak De. The only reason I sat through HAHK was Madhuri. So, not much scope there.
5. Last but not the least, I watched Vivah start to finish. Twice.

So, I decided that I won't do movie reviews. Can't risk the feminazis knocking on my door for my interest in such regressive themes. Although, if they offer to burn their bras, I might be interested in watching them taking it off...
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alas, the article says "there was no burning, nor did anyone take off her bra..."
Women! They never do what they say they will!!!