Ask and you shall receive...

There was a guy who used to go "Marriage? Why?"
He used to joke, "I am just a happy go lucky guy"
"Really don't see the need to go and get married"
Everywhere he went, he was repeatedly harried
Everyone asked "You have a girlfriend, right? Don't lie!"

"You people live life", he said, "with a bloody checklist"
"Eat, sleep, study, work, marry, have kids" is all you insist!
"All I want is to live my life my way, with nary a care
Read and write, dream and doodle, with lots of time to spare"
'Single and Proud' was his motto, then his story took a twist!

After all, they say the best laid plans of men and mice
Go the same way as Senor Columbus's search for spice
One fine day, even as he was merrily 'going with the flow'

Suddenly, a long lost friend pinged and said "Yo bro...
How are you doing? Btw... I know a girl who is very nice..."
"Et tu, Brutus" said our man at first, but on second thought

Since he had nothing better to do, he went "Why not?"
After all, what's the worst that could happen if we just meet
If she likes me, good, if she doesn't, I'll beat a hasty retreat
Doesn't matter either way, but at least it is worth a shot...

You might we wondering where is this story headed
Er... All I can say is, some months later, he was wedded
Simply because she liked a poem, which for her, he had threaded...

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PS: Marking the anniversary of the luckiest day of my life. With a stupid rhyme, because... why not!

Bored...

When I was a kid, I used to get bored easily. But, in my defense, it may not have been entirely my fault, because no matter how brilliant Tinkle and Gokulam were, turns out that the 33rd time you read them, the jokes aren't as funny. And when one is seated in the upper berth of a sleeper class train from Coimbatore to Mumbai with another 25 hours to kill, sweating under the collar in 40 degree heat, knowing fully well that no matter how many tantrums you throw, Amma is not, simply NOT, going to succumb and buy that oily, greasy, garam garam vada, leave alone that fancy handheld video game that the kid in the berth across the aisle is playing with, one has a tendency to get slightly bored.

When I was a teenager, I used to get bored easily. But, in my defense, it may not have been entirely my fault, because no matter how brilliant my marks in Maths and Accounts were, turns out the pretty girls in college were more interested in boys who could talk to them, and not squirm uncomfortably while staring at an imaginary ghost behind their heads. And when one spends an hour each way, hanging on to dear life on a pay-only-5-rupees-steam-and-sauna-and-massage-free local train commute, to go listen to a 'computer trainer' teach you 'Left click the icon, quickly, 2 times, to open the application', only to come back all the way from Chhatrapati Shivaji Terminus to Ghatkopar only to listen to another ancient specimen of a professor who looks like he was single-handedly responsible for killing the dinosaurs by teaching them the basics of Cost Accountancy, one has a tendency to get slightly bored.

When I was in my early twenties, I used to get bored easily. But, in my defense, it may not have been entirely my fault, because no matter how brilliant my impromptu one-liners in the midst of my lessons, the students always yawned because they had woken up at 5 am to fill water from the public taps and then rushed off to college without breakfast, only to come hungry and bleary eyed and snore in my tuition class. And when one spends five hours in a day teaching Economics to a bunch of horny teenagers who continually snicker at demand curves intersecting with supply curves, repeating the same lessons over and over again, with a mini break for the same rice-plate-with-sambhar-and-sabzi lunch and dinner at Mani's Lunch Home in Sion, and spends 25 minutes waiting at a bus-stop for a 15 minute bus ride because one is too poor to afford any other means of transport, one has a tendency to get slightly bored.

When I was in my mid twenties, I used to get bored easily. But, in my defense, it may not have been entirely my fault, because no matter how brilliant the facilities at my college hostel, there is only so many sitcoms with canned laughter and so many movies about silicon valleys that one can watch. And when one spends eight hours in a day learning 'a brand is a brand is a brand' in marketing and 'day-tuh is not infuh-may-shun and infuh-may-shun is not day-tuh', while secretly smiling to oneself that the poor engineers in the batch also have to undergo the torture of cost accountancy, one has a tendency to get slightly bored.

When I was in my late twenties, I used to get bored easily. But, in my defense, it may not have been entirely my fault, because no matter how brilliant the job description, the tenth detailed appraisal report about yet another 'coal-fired power project bringing light to billions' becomes a bit too repetitive. And when one spends a decade writing brilliant fiction about the possibilities of the Government supplying coal to stranded power projects, and gas magically springing forth from the K-G basin, and about well-established promoters with adequate financial capability to tide over short-term cash mismatches, while knowing fully well that this bullshit has been peddled before and will be peddled again, one has a tendency to get slightly bored.

I got so bored for the first 30 years of my life, that I swore to myself I would never get bored when I get access to some decent dough. And so I filled my life with stuff, more stuff than I could stuff myself with, shelves full of books, laptops, tablets, smartphones, cable, high-speed internet, Amazon Kindle and more e-books than I can count, vacations to fancy places, treks to scenic hills, friends, parties, new cuisines, movies, plays and countless other distractions to amuse myself.

But slowly, it has dawned on me, dim-witted that I am, that being bored is a luxury. Having the time to think of nothing, being by yourself, without calls to attend, mails to respond to, bosses to answer to, deadlines to be met, just to simmer in your own useless thoughts is an extravagant luxury. One that no amount of money can buy.

I wish I could be bored in life again. Someday...

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PS: It's been a long time since I have had the time to sit and write. Possibly because, even to write inane stuff like this, some amount of thinking needs to be put in.

It may not seem like that when one reads it, but every stupid PJ and horrendous pun and crappy limerick arose, not through divine light radiating into my brain and bringing forth an idea of immaculate conception, but through twisting words, connecting random stuff and googling for words that rhyme, when I had the luxury of being bored enough to do all that.

The dirty dozen...

Twelve years. A lot can happen over 12 years. It is the same time it takes you to finish school, to grow from a confused little pre-kindergarten kid to a precocious know-it-all.

Twelve years is a long time. Twelve years ago, Instagram didn’t exist, a certain TV show with dragons hadn’t even premiered and you still had to wave your hands to get a cab instead of summoning one through an app.

But some things are truly timeless. Like Sachin Tendulkar’s batting highlights. Thiruda Thiruda songs. Crazy Sangh/ Sena guys roaming around harassing young couples. And SRK cribbing on V-day.

So, here we present, the Dirty Dozen edition of SRK’s V-day cribs…

Many years ago, when I was single and free
I might have wished for a girlfriend or three
But a couple of years ago, I met my match
I’m no Jonty, but she was the perfect catch
“Ah, life is so blissful”, I thought “Lucky me!”

Alas, the blissful phase did not last too long
Like I am dancing, but she’s changed the song
It’s the little things, like I am very, very lazy
And for some reason, that drives her crazy
We are still super happy, don’t get me wrong.

She says “Hello mister, where have you been?”
“Didn’t I tell you these shelves need to be clean?”
Now, I rarely tidy up, unless I really, really must
Coz there’s more to life than rearranging dust
So I say, “Relax baby, please don’t create a scene!”

“Will you please put down that goddamn book…
“… and cut these veggies soon so that I can cook!”
And I say again, “relax sweetie, that’s no biggie…
why do we have to cook when we have Swiggy?”
I meet her gaze and she gives me that look!

I ask “What do you want as a Valentine gift?”
“That you climb up the stairs and avoid the lift!
“I’d like nothing better than see you get fit”
“Wait, didn’t you marry me for my charming wit?
All of a sudden, how can your priorities shift?”

Lest you think we only bitch and crib and fight
We have never let any problem stew overnight
Everything’s resolved with a heart-to-heart talk
Or by simply going together on a really long walk
Love’s not blind, rather, it makes everything bright!