Feb 14, 2013

Yet another V-day whine...

It started in 2008. And has continued through 200920102011 and 2012

A glorious tradition at this blog. 

Now successfully enters the sixth year. 

Read on...

Now, it has become a sacred annual tradition
That every V-day will have a new 'whine' edition
It started as a rant, and went from bad to worse
This ritual of coming up with really pathetic verse
Like a periodic display of my lack of erudition.

"Is it my looks, or my absolute lack of charm and wit?
What is that X-factor which could make me a hit?"
When I tell people I am a smart, successful banker
They turn up their noses and say "you dirty wanker"!
No wonder you are so full of your own bloody shit.

But hey ladies, some of us bankers can be nice
Like the ones who don't sell our souls for a price
But you just shake your head and say, "D'oh!
It's a stupid banker who doesn't make dough...
we've never seen a person who's this unwise!"

There's nothing worse than a banker who's not rich
B'coz we can't even find a dumb gold-digging bitch
All we do is slog our asses off in office every night
And then wonder as to why she always picks a fight
She wants CARE, but we choose to go with FITCH

So, I admit, we bankers can be incredibly boring
When you want pillow talk, you'll find us snoring
And just when you are in the mood to get frisky
We'll lecture you about mutual funds being risky
Talk about a special bond, we say yields are soaring

I ask you, how on earth do I somehow find
This mythical girl with an independent mind?
You say I have to actually get out of my house
And learn to play this game of cat-and-mouse!
I just find that to be a little too much of a grind...

But what the eff can I do, to become 'interesting'?
I can't act, I can't dance, and you'd rather not I sing
My fashion sense sucks, and I dress like a loser
And on a bad hair day, I look like a drug abuser
In fact, when I think about it, I suck at everything!

But I promise, I'll learn to talk about music and art
After all, on every unknown topic at work, I fart
I'll cook and clean,  I'll even do the dirty dishes
I'll try my damnedest best to fulfill your wishes
All I ask in return, is a special place in your heart!


PS1: Last year, I had a real fear that the tradition would end. Because, you know, mom was dragging me all the way to Sringeri to catch apples tossed by the shankaracharya in the hope that like I'll realize the gravity of the situation once I see a falling apple. She probably didn't realize that Newton too never married and is believed to have died a virgin.

PS2: While I have successfully defended my wicket till now, I realize that all good times must come to an end. Even Rahul Dravid had to retire at some point of time. But like my hero, I resolve to fight till the very end.

PS3: If any of you buys this for me, I'm yours for life... (I know, I said this last year too, but well, no one's bought it for me yet, and what's the harm in trying again?)


  1. Lol...good one as usual :) May the visit to Sringeri bear 'fruits' (not the apples kind!), even though (or especially because) you did not get a chance to ask the Sankaracharya your questions :D

  2. Anonymous9:49 AM

    Yay! Long live the rant :)

  3. Anonymous9:55 AM

    O re siva!
    Disciple of lord ayyapa.
    Is your mother doing a clumsy job,
    Or you are too good at it?

  4. <•)))>~10:12 AM

    U mean this will be ur last rant??

  5. Cashew6:28 PM

    Banker putting a price on himself?

  6. Although I wish your mom all the luck, I want you to defend your wicket as long as you can. So that I can read, yet another V-day whine. ;-):P

  7. @ shilpi:
    Thanks :)
    It's been more than a year since the visit to Sringeri... come to think of it, it's been almost a year since i took a proper vacation (hint hint)

    @ Anon 1:
    Yay indeed! :D

    @ Anon 2:
    O re Anon
    follower of Canaan
    My mom's partly to blame
    she taught me to play this game!

    @ <•)))>~:
    Will this be my last rant?
    No. There are plenty of other topics...

    Will this be my last V-day rant?
    Hopefully not. It's getting difficult every year.

    @ Cashew:
    Of course. Just that it'll be an outrageous price.

    @ Kanthu:
    Hello, you have to pick a side. Either you're with us or against us!

  8. Anonymous5:05 PM

    He he..i was waiting for this rant,hell,i read the blog for this rant...and you have not disappointed.
    It's like the virgin tree at hindu.

  9. Anonymous1:10 PM

    Well versed.
    was this vday sad for ya?

  10. @ Anon 3:
    Ooh, that's high praise.
    Although I don't believe in poojas, this is one I can identify with :)

    @ Anon 4:
    Does it look like it was sad for me? :)

  11. Anonymous2:15 AM

    Shiva,i hope you celebrate your wedding aniversaries than vday whines soon.And is shiva your real name?

  12. @ P:
    As for the anniversaries, Que sera sera...

    and is P your real name? Does it even matter?

  13. Anonymous1:21 AM

    I agree with P,a whine is a whine.you should celebrate aniversaries instead.
    And yes P,Siva is his name.

  14. Anonymous9:34 PM

    I just observed that you have a amply buxom woman as your blog follower named calico...Y not follow her and end ur vday whinings..!!??!

  15. Anonymous5:50 AM

    \) • (/
    '( | )

  16. Good luck with staying in the crease!!

    I Stumbled on your blog and now you have a new follower :)

  17. @ Anon 5:
    You and P can agree. I choose not to.

    @ Anon 6:
    Don't judge a book by its cover. Or an internet id by its profile pic.

    @ Anon 7:
    Unlike Robert Langdon, I am not an expert in symbology. So, I am unable to decipher your comment.

    @ Elgee:
    Thanks. And thanks. Btw, how does one stumble upon a blog?

  18. @SRK: That happens when you wander aimlessly around the web world, clicking away links after link without any purpose. And some 3 hours later, I found myself at your doorstep.. er.. blog-step :P

  19. Anonymous9:27 AM


    Check this out.This man,has recently hit thirty,and follows a tradition vday like you,whining and sulking with acerbic humour.Only difference,he's a punjabi.
    What with rich guys like you? Even gold diggers dont chase you.Lord ayappa,what the world has come to!