Does Size Matter?

Statutory Warning: Contains offensive language. Parents advised not to read this.

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Today, I came across yet another instance of ‘sensationalism’ in the ToI – a Medical Council report saying that Indian men didn’t quite measure up when it came to matters of the ‘organ’ (not that other newspapers are less sensational, I have nothing against ‘The Old Lady of Boribunder’).

But the subject matter of the report amused me. Now, here was a newspaper which ostensibly is part of a normal Indian family (in fact, a lot of families, if ToI’s bragging about its readership is to be believed). Now, imagine your typical ten year old opening the paper (because you have been trying to inculcate the ‘reading habit’ into him, a losing battle in the age of computers and X-boxes), and coming across a pink condom against a measuring scale. Well, you might say, there are worse pictures on Page 3 of BT, but then, that is worth another discussion.

Well, our chotu asks, “Papa, what does this mean?” (or worse “Papa, what is your size?”). How do you give him a reply? What terms would you use to make a kid understand? Which liberal, progressive editor allowed such a bold picture to be splashed across his newspaper? I remember seeing a generous cleavage on a report on male voyeurism in India, especially with the mobile cameras, MMS and the Internet. While the report made sensible reading, the pictures were clearly more suited to more colourful magazines. Well, I’m digressing into responsible versus sensational journalism which is not the point of this post.

So, coming back to the point, “Does size really matter?” “Why are men obsessed with the size of their organ?” “Is it the old male ego that I have to have a bigger house, a bigger car, a bigger jet, a bigger yacht, a girlfriend with bigger you-know-what?” I remember reading somewhere, “Men stand as far back as possible in urinals, just to prove to that they have got a bigger organ. They don’t realize that they are pissing on their shoes”. (Girls, let me assure you, that is about as true as guys imagining that girls roam naked when we are not around)

So, if a Pamela Anderson can say ‘Intel inside’ (I hear that computer chips are made from the same material), can men be far behind? So, we receive dozens of mails promising to ‘double the size’ in a few days… (along with the usual cheap loans, great stock tips, Nigerian money making schemes, and naked Jeannie just waiting for me to check her out). The solutions range from creams and lotions, exercise machines to God knows what not.

While we always hear (and ‘see’) actresses and models enhancing their assets to improve their chances in the glam industry, we hardly ever hear of any famous actor getting his share of enhancements? Nor do we ever hear of ‘push-up’ underwear for men?

Which leads me to my final thought in this mindless post – If the world were to be dominated by women one day (“It already is”, I can hear my married friends saying), would we hear about a Tom Cruise or a Hrithik getting a you-know-what-I-mean? Or see an ad for a Wonder-langot?

What do you think gals?