Bachelors and Dogs not allowed!

The last few days, one has been involved in an activity that is considerably more difficult than getting the Left to support the nuclear deal, or bringing the oil price below $100.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, one has been on the look-out for a place to rent in Mumbai.

For those who have never stayed in Mumbai, one recommends the following exercise. Go to your bathroom, and mentally imagine that there is a TV in place of your wash basin and a sofa in place of the potty. Voila, you just saw the hall of the ‘Mumbai house’. Now, locate the cupboard in your house, yes, the old trusted Godrej wala, empty it of all the junk you have, and then get into it. Yes, get into it. What do you mean you cannot? How do you plan to bathe and do other morning tasks if you have to live in Mumbai? You expect a bathroom which is larger than that? Huh, who are you, the guy whose father owns an oil well in Saudi Arabia? Better tell him to start digging another if you want a bigger bathroom.

Oh, you are willing to adjust to the cramped place? Nice. That will be 30 grand rent and ten times that as deposit. What do you mean “that’s too much”? Go back to your stone age village then, and shit all you want in open air fields.

Where do you work? IDFC? Oh, the bank? No? Not HDFC? Why didn’t you get a job in a nice bank, like SBI? Anyways, who cares where you work as long as I receive my monthly rent. Half in cash please. Don't want to attract the taxman.

Accha, I hope you are a vegetarian? You see, we have nothing against people who eat non-veg. After all, we do have a modern outlook. We even allowed our daughter to eat at her friend Fatima's birthday. We just don’t want to pollute our house. Hope you understand.

By the way, where is your family? What do you mean, they are living in Tamil Nadu? Where is your wife then? Oh, you are not married? Are you *shudder* a bachelor? The same species that does nothing but drink beer, play loud music late into the night and brings *oh my god* girls over to stay the night?

What do you mean you don’t listen to music, leave alone loudly? All bachelors do. And do you frankly expect me to believe that girls don’t even say hi to you, leave alone come over to stay the night? You don’t have a girlfriend? Do I look like I got kicked out of Paanchvi Paas in the first round? Bah! How many bachelors I have seen in my life? Why, I was one a few years back, lest you forget! So what if I did not have any girls over to stay the night? I belong to a generation that knew what discipline meant. “Aaj kal ke bacche, hey ram, ab bolne ke liye bacha hi kya hai!”

I am sorry, please come back when you are married. We only give houses to respectable families.