What's in a name...

How do you select the name of your child? They don't teach that at school. They ought to. It is something most people have to do at least once in their lives. It is important enough that one does not want to muck it up.

Where I come from, people solved this conundrum with a simple tradition. Name your first-born after the paternal grandparent. And that's how I was named Sivaramakrishnan. After a man I never had the privilege of meeting. I did grow up hearing stories about him. About how brilliant he was, how intelligent, yada yada. About how he used to earn a handsome salary in those days, how he threw away his life's savings to follow the call for a non-violent fight for India's independence and how when he passed away, there wasn't even enough money at home to conduct his last rites. Even though I never met the gentleman, deep in my heart, I always had a little pride that I was carrying his name. That I should live up to his ideals. Or at least that's what I told myself as I filled in such a long name in form after form after form.

When we were expecting our child, this topic of what to name the child came up. A lot. While it was tempting to take the traditional route, the missus would not hear of it. The kid is Gen Beta, we need a shorter name, she said. As it is, he or she will carry your looong name as the second name. It made sense. I didn't want my kid to suffer the same fate as mine, writing long names in form after form after form.

Trying to pick a name is a good way to pass time during the pregnancy. The missus would trawl through multiple websites and come up with a short list. I would mock every name, given my tendency to mock names. Rinse and repeat. 

"How about Karthin?" she would say.

"What kind of name is Karthin?"

"It is inspired by Lord Kartikeya. It means brave or warrior." She would reply earnestly.

"Sounds like a diet version of the lord. If he becomes fat later, we can change it to Karthick"

"Aargh... you and your PJs! Sometimes I wonder why I married you!"

Rinse and repeat.

Given that the Indian government does not let you find out the gender of your unborn child, we had to shortlist both boy names and girl names.

"How about Anjali?" I would say.

"Nice name. What's the inspiration?" she'd ask. Earnestly.

"Well, you know how there have been multiple instances of mice entering our house. The day you got the news of your pregnancy, it was the fifth mouse that got trapped. Anju Eli." (Apologies to the non-Tams).

"Aargh... you and your PJs! Sometimes I wonder why I married you!"

Rinse and repeat.

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Thankfully, despite my PJs, we had narrowed down the name. One for each gender. So, when our baby boy arrived, we were ready.

Introducing... drumroll... Kanav. 

Dear Kanav,

Your name is inspired by Rishi Kanva. A sage who embodies wisdom. Like all parents, we too hope that you grow up with wisdom. Not just a Mr. Wise Guy.

Your name means 'compassion' in Sanskrit. This is the part that most appealed to me when your mom suggested this name. 

I hope you grow up to be kind. That you recognize your privilege and share your good fortune with folks who may not be as fortunate. I hope you realize the saying "It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice" is not just a quotable cliche. You may not be named after your grandfather, but he was kindness personified. Never said a word in anger. Never raised his voice. Always looked to help others when he could. 

This is what he wrote, after we had celebrated his 60th birthday...

I wish you grow up to be kind, so that he may pass this way again, in your form. 

Whenever I was faced with a tough situation, I pulled through knowing how much my father had struggled to allow me the privilege of getting the opportunities I did. And ever since he passed, I always wished he was around to share the quiet pride of knowing what his son managed with what he gave me. Your father will struggle less, thanks to his father struggling all his life. You will struggle even lesser, thanks to your father struggling in the early part of his life. And that, my son, is how every generation builds on the goodness of its predecessors.

If you grow up embodying this one quality, I know I would have done my job as a father. A job that I am realizing comes with a weight of responsibility. One I feel wholly inadequate to handle, but I am confident I can, because my father did this before me, and his father did it before him. You have a great legacy to live up to. No pressure, son.

Your name means 'dream' in Tamil. Having you come in to our lives has been a dream come true. I wish you grow up to be a dreamer. No matter what anyone says. Like the quote from The Pursuit of Happyness, "Don't ever let somebody tell you... you can't do something. Not even me. All right? You got a dream... You gotta protect it. People can't do somethin' themselves, they wanna tell you you can't do it. If you want somethin', go get it. Period!"

Today, we name you... Kanav!

Nineteen! And an exciting announcement as well

Hello everyone. Welcome to Edition 19 of the Valentine Day Crappy Rhyme Tradition on this blog. 

I started this way back in 2008. People who weren't even born then are close to completing college now. Shows my age. I don't like to be reminded of my age. My receding hairline and creaky joints already do that for me.

Anyways, I think I should reduce this unnecessary rambling and jump straight to the action, so to say...

**********************

T'was the year two thousand and eight

I had much more hair and much lesser weight

I was single, ready to mingle, with nary a care

But I had no date, my luck did not very well fare

So, I started to rhyme, resigning myself to my fate!  

I tried crappy jokes, that sounded pretty funny in my head

But the girls didn't laugh, merely wrinkled their noses instead

Years went by without a single date, but I never gave up hope

As this annual whine on V-Day kinda sorta became my trope

My inner voice kept reminding me, "SRK, your love life is dead!"

But as they say, sabr ka phal is quite meetha

Even if it doesn't have as much sugar as Bournvita 

The universe that had so far conspired to keep me woefully single

Did an about turn, with a move that made my spidey sense tingle 

We met just thrice, and I was convinced my Ram had found his Sita

She said yes, I don't know why or how, a puzzle so knotty

I'd say it's my charm, but maybe that day she was temporarily dotty

After a brief courtship, a demonetisation era engagement and a nice wedding 

As we entered our home as a couple and prepared our bedding 

I wanted to be nice but my thoughts were really quite naughty 

Years passed, but the naughty deeds yielded naught

The Universe is testing our patience yet again, we thought 

Parents kept worrying about the dreaded biological clock

"You have been married for long, time to multiply your flock"

Temples were visited, and random astrologers' opinions were sought

We went to doctors, they said "don't worry, no issue"

By the way, do you pronounce it iss-yoo or ish-oo

And as more years passed, with no change in our fate

From one clinic to the next we went, becoming more desperate 

Even as well-meaning relatives gave advice that we had to eschew

But, like my namesake hammed in that reincarnation movie

The one where Deepika sashays in to a song so groovy

Aakhir tak sab theek ho jaata hai, and if not, it's not 'The End'

After an interminable wait, the Universe did finally send

A bonny little baby boy with big beautiful eyes and skin so dewy!!

As the V-day rhyme goes, Roses are red and violets are blue

Our baby boy is so sweet and my darling, so are you 

Every day I look at him grow, my heart full of cheer

I want to announce to the world, our baby boy is finally here

Flimon ki tarah life mein bhi dreams do come true!!!

***********************

PS: Finally I get a chance to say to someone, "Rishtey mein hum tumhare baap lagte hain... Naam hai SRK" 

        

Eighteen!

This is the 18th year of the Valentine Day Crappy Rhyme tradition. 

18 - What a magical number!

18! That delicious age where you are finally old enough to drive. Old enough to vote. Old enough to date. Old enough to drink*

*Conditions apply, depending on the state of your domicile.

Who would've thunk in 2008 that this hoary tradition would last EIGHTEEN bledy years!! Maybe I should collect all these rhymes, put them in a book and publish them!

Surprisingly, all the random Senas did not make too much noise around Valentine's Day this year. Maybe they were too busy visiting the MahaKumbh? So, I had to really scour the dregs of the news cycle to come up with stuff that I can rhyme and ridicule... And all I found was that 5-star chocolate makers wanted to kill Valentine's Day by making uncles celebrate it. I mean, I am an uncle now, I will celebrate it, your father's what goes?  

With that unnecessary prelude (I can already hear the regulars going "abbe drama bandh kar aur shaayri shuru kar"), Ladies and Gentlemen (and of course, people who go by they/ them, you/ yours are welcome to the party too), here's presenting this year's edition of the V-Day crib...

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Once upon a time, when the world was a more innocent place

Where what you did mattered more than your religion or race

A young man fresh into his first job and a lot of time to kill

Failed to find a dinner date even if he was willing to pay the bill   

And decided to blog about it, in his own unique turn of phrase...

He wrote a lot of crap, and at his stupid jokes, some girls did laugh

But sadly, none of them were stupid enough to become his better half

He saw his friends fall in love, and teased them about getting all mushy

While his mom kept hinting about marriage, boy! she was quite pushy

He returned his mom's sarcastic serves like Agassi, hopeful of finding his Graf

He did not seek much from the world, his wishes were quite modest, 

The same cannot be said about his thoughts, they were, ahem, immodest

All he wanted was a girl to walk along with him, with a pretty smile

But he kept looking without much success, it did take him quite a while

Like the Universe knew what he wanted and decided to put him to a stern test! 

He went through a phase where he thought it is better to remain alone

His work kept him busy enough, as he funded projects with a term loan  

Maybe it was an old flame still in his heart, that kept smoldering like ember

Groucho-like he said, "I don't want to be with any girl who'll have my member"

Sorry for the interruption, but did that last line make you want to groan?  

Like they say "The night is darkest before dawn", such a random quote

Just when he had given up hope of any girl coming to rock his boat

A friend made a connection, a quick introduction and She turned up in his life, 

Better late than never, maybe Destiny was making sure he truly wanted a wife

Like letting him sink a little bit deeper, before getting her to bring him back afloat 

As she sashayed into his life, with her dazzling smile and pretty eyes

T'was like angels were singing and cherubs flying, the world felt very nice

He proposed to her with a rhyme, thankfully it was better than this crap

She thought it was poetic, although in all honesty, it sounded like rap

It doesn't matter, because she said Yes, and he got to tie a knot thrice!

Eight years have passed since then, and he's thankful for every day

She tolerates his idiosyncrasies and puts up with him in every way

And while she hopes for a nice gift, a rose perhaps, or a romantic dinner date

He promises to be more spontaneous, but ends up usually working late

And hopes to make up for lack of a surprise gift by writing rhymes this way!

************************************************************

PS: Every year, I think I can do this no more and should end it while it still seems good. Every year, I come back and write more stupid rhyme. It's a curse, this itch to write bad verse!

Vietnam Travails - 5

Day 5: Day Trip to Ninh Binh

Another early start on Day 5 as we had a day trip to Ninh Binh. A fairly active day with a lot of walking involved, so we (or rather I) loaded up at the buffet breakfast.

Our guide for the day was quite the comic (called himself 'Tom', and said the bus driver's name is 'Jerry'!). Kept us entertained with his funny one-liners in a deadpan accent for most of the way. We started at around 8 am and reached the base of the Lying Dragon Mountain around 10.45. He gave us an hour and a half to climb to the top and come back ("only 500 steps, very easy..."), and the start was simple enough. Well laid out steps, good views along the way, pleasant weather... till the steps started getting steeper half way through, and our lack of general fitness started to show. But we huffed and puffed and made it to the top.

There is a stone dragon carved on top of the hill and people were climbing all over it (despite a chain link kept to prevent people from going there). Just like India. We also followed the crazy folks ("when in Rome..."). The dragon itself was not so great but the views from the top were quite amazing.

We stopped to click photos at every opportunity, lost track of time, and were late going back to the bus. The other folks who had made it on time gave us the 'silent stare' treatment, but c'mon folks, we are on vacation, and what's a few minutes here and there between friends strangers who we would not meet again?

We proceeded to Hoa Lu, the ancient capital of Vietnam. The guide gave us a good narration about how the king fled to this valley to hide from Mongolian invaders, and used the uneven ground and fortress to evade the cavalry, then raised a rebel army to resist the invaders yada yada. I half listened to it, but was too busy admiring the scenery to pay attention and retain what he said. 

The temple visit was followed by visit to a village with an option to go cycling around the village. Anusha opted to rest it out while I jumped at the opportunity to ride around dusty uneven road surrounded by mountains and lakes (brought back memories of Kallar, Mettupalayam!).

A leisurely lunch followed, with some more excellent Pho. We then headed to Trang An, where a nice boat ride awaited us. "This is the place where the King Kong Skull Island was filmed," our guide told us enthusiastically. 

We had a little Thai kid and his mom for company on the boat since it seats 4 people. Ray (my little friend for the boat ride) wanted to sit in the front of the boat, and also wanted to row. He even handed me an oar and insisted I row with him to "make the boat go faster since King Kong might step out from behind the mountain!"

  

 We rowed around for almost an hour, going under some really low caves (low enough that you have to duck to avoid bumping your head) and it was a nice way to relax after the sumptuous lunch.

After the boat ride, we took a quick coffee break (yet another salt coffee!) and found a hall decorated nicely with hanging lights and lanterns.

We slept through the bus ride on the way back, a bit tired from all the walking and cycling and rowing, but feeling quite happy with ourselves!

We were half-way through our vacation, and Sapa, our last destination on the trip, awaited us...  

Vietnam Travails - 4

Day 3-4: Hanoi - Ha Long Bay - Hanoi   

We had heard a lot about Ha Long Bay and it did not disappoint. Some friends had said a 'day cruise' would be good enough. But the jetty is about a 3 hour drive from Hanoi and we didn't want the vacation to be too hectic. So, we had opted for a nice overnight cruise through the emerald green waters interspersed with towering limestone island peaks, and it was good!

People who know me for long know that I am usually very tight-fisted when it comes to spending. But I make an exception to that when I am on vacation - I tend to splurge like a millionaire (well, not exactly like a millionaire, but yeah, I don't count the pennies so much). We had booked a good cruise (Halong Boutique), and on reaching the port, we were told we had been 'upgraded' to a better cruise (M'Gloria). We don't know if it was really an upgrade or they found a way to simply club passengers across two cruises into one, but we really liked our boat.

It takes about an hour on a smaller boat to reach the main cruise, and the guide spent the better part of that hour explaining to us the history of Ha Long Bay and how the locals believe that this is the place where dragons came to earth to protect the local fishermen (Ha Long means 'descending dragons'). Ha Long gets quite crowded (some 300+ boats cruising through), and they took us to Lan Ha Bay instead (slightly less crowded, only 200 boats!). 

As soon as we boarded the cruise, we were served an elaborate multi-course lunch. We had requested for vegetarian options and the chef took great care to ensure he catered to our (or rather, Anusha's) dietary restrictions. Big thumbs up! The food, the cocktail (Bailey's + banana shake, innovatively named the Dolphin) and the view - everything was amazing! Color me impressed!

 I was looking forward to a relaxed siesta post the fantastic lunch when they announced that people interested in kayaking should report to the reception! The one grouse I had with the cruise was that it was quite packed with various activities, and while they are all optional, we tend to develop acute FOMO especially having paid for the whole package, and end up trying out all that they have on offer, leaving us with very little time to simply sit and stare at the scenic views.

Now, we don't know how to swim. And I am usually scared of the sea, after a couple of not-so-pleasant experiences with scuba-diving (once in Goa when I let go of the oxygen tube from my mouth, panicked, inhaled lots of sea-water and ended up getting a lecture mid-sea from the instructor as I was coughing it out, and the other time in Bali where the boat ride to get to the dive site was so rough that I promptly deposited my entire breakfast into the sea even before I jumped into the water!). But kayaking doesn't involve getting into the water (as long as you don't lose balance), so we decided to go for it. While the group of Aussie tourists who were with us promptly took off at great speed, we were not so coordinated and ended up rowing in circles for a bit before we figured it out. But quite a relaxing experience, floating on the calm waters, watching the sun play hide and seek behind the limestone peaks.

 Once we were back on the boat, they had a Happy Hour going, and I ended up being quite happy at the end of it. It was followed by a nice dinner and a party on the boat, with Christmas songs, some games and dancing. We even got a couple of Bollywood songs played and it was a nice end to an exciting day.

The next day was a blur, as we woke up late (I wasn't too keen on the early morning Tai Chi session on the deck) and simply relaxed around the boat. An early brunch and it was time to say good-bye to our cruise. I slept through most of the way back on the bus. 

I had a small checklist of local Hanoi dishes I wanted to try, one of which was Eel soup (aka "How to Hanoi your wife" soup). Anusha absolutely refused to come along for this adventure, so I went alone for this sampling. The eels look not so appetizing, but they were quite crunchy and salty, almost like the karuvadam we have. 

Followed it up with a Banh Mi at Banh Mi 25, and then Anusha wanted to have the noodle salad again.

I was tempted too, so I ended up having the third meal of the evening. After that, we walked around Haon Kiem lake, admiring the Christmas decorations and hopefully burning some of the extra calories that I had gleefully added to my already impressive waistline.

Links if you are visiting Hanoi and want an idea of the street food:

https://hanoioldquarterguide.com/street-food-in-hanoi.html

https://www.adventuresofjellie.com/vietnam/hanoi-food-guide

Vietnam Travails - 3

Day 2: Hanoi (also known as Ha Noi)

Remember when I said we had planned Vietnam in 2023 itself, trip got cancelled and we used the credit shell for our 2024 trip? Well, the fares had increased in the interim, so the amount in the credit shell was not adequate to cover the return leg. Succumbing to the sunk cost fallacy of not wanting to let the amount already paid go waste, I used the credit shell for the onward leg, and bought the tickets for the Hanoi to Mumbai part by paying extra cash. But that left me with a large-ish unutilized amount in the credit shell. 

It was kind of like the old trick my mom used to pull when she would put just a bit of extra chutney on my plate that would not be finished when my usual count of dosas got done, and so I'd agree to eat another dosa but the chutney would not be adequate for this new dosa, so she'd pour more chutney... but that chutney would be left when I finished the extra dosa and she'd say "I'll make you a small dosa to finish the chutney... and before I knew it, I had put on two extra kilos.  

Well, what do you do when you have a excess chutney situation but in the form of a credit shell with an airline - you say "Aaj bhai bijness class mein jaayega" and so I used the leftover chutney to get myself a masala dosa instead of a plain dosa. Take that VietJet!

Except when we confidently stepped towards the business class counter, the lady took one look at me and probably thought "Yet another idiot who can't read that this is not for Economy" and promptly directed me to the other queue. To be mistreated in a European country due to my brown skin was one thing, but to be mistreated in a country whose currency is 300 times cheaper than mine... well no siree, I ain't gonna put up with that shit. So, I showed her the boarding pass again, and pointed proudly to the "Business" written on it. Who's the "SkyBoss" now, eh?

A short 2 hour flight passed where Anusha blissfully slept off on the seats that did recline for a change, while I finished off the latest Jeffery Archer book that I had dutifully carried. And before I could also test whether my seat reclines, we had landed in Noi Bai International Airport.

We had booked a hotel in the Old Quarter (like the million other tourists who go to Hanoi). I had booked a Vegan Food Tasting Walking Tour (this one, and Minh, our guide was super helpful. Do try it if you ever go to Hanoi). The absolute stand-out for me was a coconut dessert (coconut malai in coconut milk, with coconut water jelly; unfortunately, forgot the name of the shop!) while Anusha fell in love with a vegan noodle salad (here).

Hanoi has probably the best street food scene among the places I have had the opportunity to visit (Penang comes a close second). Not a great place for vegans, but if you are open to trying out new stuff without worrying about what creepy crawley thing has been cooked, then it kinda blows your mind! Bun Cha, Pho, Banh Mi... the one thing that would drag me back to Hanoi would be the food! Not for Hanoians the fancy ambience, expensive china, mood lighting or soft background music. They just settle down on those low plastic stools on the sidewalk, as the traffic passes by, amidst the noise in the street, but with the most flavorful hot broth and noodles in a plastic bowl with a pair of chopsticks and a steel spoon. Add a few fresh herbs, and a bite of the spicy red chilly, and suddenly all is well with the world. 

Some of the food was the "How to Hanoi your wife" variety, and those photos shall not be put up here (since folks in my family also read this blog!).

How can one visit Hanoi and not go to the famous Train Street? It is the proper kind of tourist trap, the gimmicky place which has sold out its soul for a few insta-likes. The kind of place I quietly rage against, since it spoils the very character of the city thanks to an influx of a very superficial kind of tourist, the kind who go from place to place just ticking things off a check-list of "things to see, stuff to do", the been-there-done-that kind. The kind of place that I wouldn't want to be caught dead in. I mean, there is a railway track and a train passes by, while people sit at cafes close enough to touch the train as it goes, drinking over-priced coffee and beer. What's the big deal about it? I come from Mettupalayam, I have done my share of waving at passing trains in my childhood. 

So, what did we do? Of course, I went and posed there like the rest of the crowd, because I am a hypocrite (it's easier to say this than to say "My wife made me pose here").  

I even placed the beer bottle cap on the tracks and carried back the flattened cap as a souvenir (or rather, a reminder of the hypocrite I am). 

Btw, in HCMC, we had come across a guy doing some oil paints which looked amazing enough for Anusha to insist I go to the ATM and get cash to buy them. I can now claim that I now own a painting worth a million bucks*. We now eagerly awaited what new surprises Hanoi had in store for us.  

(* so what if it is a million in Vietnamese Dong).

Vietnam Travails - 2

Read Part -1 first. 

Day 1: Saigon (also known as Ho Chi Minh City)

Getting out of Saigon airport gave very similar feels to getting out of Dadar Railway Station. You are suddenly accosted by multiple cries of "Taxi! Taxi!" as multiple cab operators try to convince you that they are the Krishna to your Arjuna. They even throw a Bhagavad Gita lesson in for free "Just get into the cab (apna karm karo), don't worry about fare (phal ki chinta mat karo)..."

But we had a pre-booked cab from the hotel. All that meant was that we overpaid, but without the added bonus of feeling that we were being ripped off. Tip for folks going to Vietnam. Grab App is your saviour. Works like Uber, fares are reasonable and except for the airport ride where you are likely to have luggage, you can even hop on as a pillion rider on a scooter (which incidentally is the fastest and coolest way to commute in the city).

Since we had only one day in Saigon, and didn't want to tire ourselves with day trips as soon as we landed, we avoided the usual Mekong Delta tours. Also avoided the Tunnel tours since one of us is claustrophobic and I won't say who. How do you kill time in a city when you avoid the usual tours that it has to offer?

We had heard a lot about shopping in Vietnam - stuff is cheap, you get to bargain (so that you come away thinking you are smart even if you have overpaid), and for once, Anusha was happy that instead of making a face, I agreed to shop. Off to Ben Thanh market we went, and it is like a large-ish version of Crawford Market and Fashion Street (btw, I have got into this habit of translating everything I encounter abroad into its Indian equivalent - a sure sign of becoming a middle aged Indian unkil!).

For once, I succumbed to the touristy shtick of shopping - bought of bagful of clothes, and judging by the size of the smile the shopkeeper lady gave us as she saw us off, I am sure we had been the proverbial Santa to her kids for Christmas. We got the prices down by about 30% or so, but later learnt that one typically has to start bargaining at 70% lower and settle at about 50% of whatever they quote. 

Had lunch at a cafe right next to the market and I had my first bowl of Phở pronounced (Fuh). Probably because the dish makes you fuh-get all your troubles. Vietnam doesn't hate us after all. Any country that can feed you such a warm broth packed with flavours cannot hate you. I also had my first (of many) cup of salted iced coffee. Salt coffee sounds weird, like someone put salt into coffee instead of sugar but served it anyway. But it is a classic case of don't judge a dish by its name. A delightful combination of condensed milk, salt, ice and coffee - I am a big, big, fan of this coffee. Whoever mistakenly put salt instead of sugar and created this wonderful concoction, I doff my Vietnamese cone shaped hat to you ma'am!

We had booked a free walking tour (I usually find these to be the best way to get to know a city, as the guides are usually enthu volunteers who are eager to show you the usual sights and sounds of their city). Our guide Dong (or Vera) was a super enthu lady. English was clearly not her first language, but her enthusiasm for the city and its history more than made up for it. She even taught us a song (which goes Vietnaaaaaaaam... Hooo Chiiii Minh, and is quite the ear-worm! 10 days later and I still startle Anusha by suddenly belting out my besura version of Vietnaaaaaaaaam... Hoooo Chiiiii Minhhhhh!). 

The city apparently has a crazy 'walking street' which comes alive at night. I might have enthusiastically gone to if I were 10 years younger and single. But given we had come off a tiring airport drama and a not-so-comfortable flight and still walked around for most of the day, we decided to call it a day once the tour ended. Went to a vegan restaurant but they served 'fake meat' (soya and tofu but with the texture of meat). Never understood the appeal of this 'fake meat' vegan thing. The vegetarians do not like it because they think they are being fed something strange, and the meat-eaters do not like it because, well, it is not meat! Anyways, one of the few unsatisfying meals of the trip, and glad I ticked that Murphy checklist off on the first day itself. That, and the coconut coffee which wasn't much to my liking. I am firmly in the salt coffee camp!

We had a morning flight to Hanoi the next day at 10.00 am. And VietJet, true to form, delayed that flight by an hour. But it was ok, gave us an extra hour's sleep and also tied in nicely with the check-in time for our hotel in Hanoi.

Vietnam Travails - 1

"Go to Vietnam," they said. 

"It will be fun," they said.

It was fun. Vietnam is a whole lot like India. A country of contradictions. Every opinion about the place and its diametric opposite holds true. 

It is a place where you come away with a smile after an encounter with some of the warmest people you will have the pleasure of meeting. It is also a place which will make you tear your hair out at the shenanigans some of them try to pull.

But first, we had to get there. So, I will start at the very beginning (because I am not Nolan).

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Our Vietnam trip was planned for end of December 2023. We had booked the tickets, the hotels, a cruise, the whole shebang. Then a personal emergency in the family led to us canceling the trip at the last moment. Thankfully, VietJet allowed us a credit shell to use the tickets anytime within the next 12 months.

Then 2024 happened. A year that was a bit of a crazy ride both personally and professionally. A year when I was suddenly reminded of my old friend, Murphy. Both Anusha and I badly needed a vacation. And the deadline for using the credit shell was coming up. So, we decided to tempt fate again and booked the tickets to Vietnam.

I don't believe in reincarnation. Generally. But maybe I was an American soldier in a previous birth raining Agent Orange on the poor Vietnamese. There is no other way for me to make sense of what happened at the VietJet check-in counter. 

Our flight was for Dec 21st, a Saturday evening at midnight. 0040 hrs to be precise. We left home at a good four hours prior, with a plan to have a light dinner at the airport once we were done with the check-in. The ever reliable Google Maps showed 40 minutes to the airport. the The first sign was on the road itself. We encountered a massive traffic jam. An hour later, we were still on the road (pun intended). Leading up to the oxymoron that is the Western Express Highway. After figuring out alternate routes that involved going back to the other dreaded LBS Marg. Which, unlike the straight-forward leader it is named after, is anything but! We even called the airport to check when exactly the check-in counter closes, and were reassured that it only closes 60 minutes prior.

Anyway, to cut a long (sob) story short, we managed to arrive at the airport at 2320 hours. Skipped the entry queue, apologizing to the irritated passengers and rushed to the check-in counter only to see a board flashing "ETD 0200 hours". Phew. I still had hopes of getting some food into me, since I get really cranky like a four-year old when I am hungry.

The VietJet rep looked at our tickets, our passports and visas, checked something on his mobile and calmly informed us, "You are not on this flight. You have been transferred to the flight on 27th December." 

I calmly turned to Anusha and said, "See, we were unnecessarily worried that we are late. Turns out we are a whole week early." And turned around and left the airport.

.

.

.

Of course not. If I had done that, I would not be boring you with this excuse of a blogpost now.

I simply said, "Wait, what?"

"Sir, you have been transferred to the flight on 27th December due to operational reasons."

"Ah, operational reasons. That explains it. See you in a week," I said. And turned around and left the airport.

.

.

.

Of course not. I mean, what the hell was the guy expecting me to do?

I simply put on my most professional poker face and said, "Sorry, I don't understand. What do you mean operational reasons? And what do you mean December 27th? We are going there for only 9 days, we already have our hotels and a cruise booked, we even have internal flights booked on your airline. We need to be on this flight."

"I am sorry sir. We had already sent a message to more than 150 passengers that they have been transferred to a different date. You would have also got the message."

"Wait, what? What message?"

Ok, turns out it is partly my fault. VietJet had indeed sent me a message. From an unknown number. On 20th December, at 2024 hours. A whole 28 hours prior to our flight. Enough time obviously for us to re-plan our whole trip. I was the idiot who had missed such an important announcement from my airline, in the form of an SMS.

So, I simply said, "Sorry, my bad." And turned around and left the airport. (You obviously know where this is going, so I am not going to put the three dots to simply write Of course not, and continue the post. After all, this is a blog, not a stupid WhatsApp forward).

I said, "Do you expect me to re-arrange my whole holiday on the basis of an SMS sent from an unknown number 1 night prior to the day I am supposed to fly?"

"I am sorry sir, but you have been transferred to a different flight due to operational reasons." He had started sounding like a broken record. I had run out of things to say. 

Time to take this conversation to the next level. So, I channeled the inner Karen in me and said, "You need to speak to my manager" and promptly unleased Anusha on him.

Some of you have met Anusha. Most of you have not had the pleasure. You simply know her as the wonderful woman who was short-sighted enough to say yes to marry me.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, let me present to you, Anusha Stubborn, First of Her Name, Queen of all my Kingdoms. 

The next phase of this blogpost shall be presented in terms of a boxing match, between World Heavyweight Champion of "Saying the Same Line Multiple Times", the Airline Representative (AR1), and World Featherweight Champion of "Not taking No for an Answer" Anusha Rao (AR, but the 1 and only)...

(I dare not call her heavyweight, I did not survive 7.5 years of marriage by making such elementary mistakes!)

"What exactly is the operational reason?" Anusha starts with a light jab.

"The flight has been downgraded due to operational reasons. So a smaller aircraft has been assigned." AR1 deftly side-steps the jab.

"So it is your fault that a smaller aircraft was sent. Why should we paying passengers suffer for no fault of ours?" Anusha still testing her opponent with some jabs.

"Ma'am, the larger aircraft has been grounded due to operational reasons. We cannot help it. The flight is already full. We had to prioritize passengers who had onward journeys and connecting flights. We can compensate you for the flight, of course," AR1 is also an experienced boxer.

"My father was in Air India for 34 years. So I understand that aircraft gets occasionally grounded. But it is the airline's responsibility to put us on the next available flight of any other airline. We cannot be expected to postpone our entire trip by a week because of your fault," Anusha with a one-two punch slowly showing her repertoire. I was sorely tempted to add that Air India flights got grounded more than occasionally, but I was in her corner for this fight. So I reserved my jabs for a different day.

"You can book a flight through Indigo via Kolkata. We will reimburse that fare," AR1 conceding ground after taking a body hit.

I took out my phone to check the said Indigo flight through Kolkata. Anusha dismissed me to the side. She didn't want any distractions.

So, the rest of the fight happened at a distance, like the DragonBallZ episodes wherein the warriors suddenly ascend to the skies to continue their battles. I don't know what weapons Anusha used (or rather I know, but a magician's apprentice never reveals their tricks), but the next thing we know, AR1 is speaking to the captain and they are rushing us through security check and immigration.

And next thing I know, we are seated in the flight (which was supposedly 'full') and taking off to Saigon (now known as BCMC, sorry HCMC).

Turns out we got the crew seats (oops, magic trick revealed), and the crew who were supposed to rest on the return leg had to make do without their seats. Sorry folks. But we needed this break. More than you. 

And that's how we landed at Saigon (now known as HCMC) on a Sunday morning, hungry (because we, sorry, I had not pre-booked an in-flight meal), weary and sleep deprived. Only to encounter a long queue at immigration that took over an hour to clear.

Clearly, Vietnam hates me. 

Unfortunately, the feeling is not mutual. I loved Vietnam. At least, once I got there.  An avocado smoothie at the airport ensured I was no longer cranky.

The actual trip details to follow in another post...

*********************************************************

PS: New Year Resolution to try and revive the blog. Let's see how it goes. 

PS1: New Year Resolution to check every SMS from now on.

I am sixteen, going on seventeen...

This is number 17. Seventeen years is a long time. People change. Society changes. What was funny once may seem cringey now (not to claim that this blog series was ever funny). What was 'harmless fun' in 2008 could lead to "you need to be cancelled, you old geezer" comments in 2024. But we persist. Simply because this blog was never meant to take itself or myself seriously.

Seventeen years! One more year and this tradition would be old enough to vote. Maybe it will vote to stop this inanity. Until then...

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Every year, I scratch my head and think

As to how to write a nonsensical time sink

Once, I'd simply rant about brains going mush

But now I have joined those idiots, as I too have a crush

Imagine my horror when I found prettiness in pink!!

Every year, I think and scratch my head

As to how to write a verse that's brain dead

Once, I'd simply rant about not finding a suitable date

But now, I am no longer single as I too have a soul mate

Imagine my horror when I found out the cost of roses coloured red!!

And just when I thought things couldn't get more bleak

Those smart marketers have popularized 'Valentine's Week'

Rose Day, Propose Day, Chocolate and then Teddy Day

Promise day, Hug de, Kiss de and finally Love-day 

Just the fact that I know all these days makes me a freak!!

But what makes this annual nonsense news run

The thing as predictable as the daily rising sun

Is the old guard going crazy about youngsters finding love

And suggesting that we should all instead go hug a cow

Puritans enraged that someone somewhere is out having fun!

I just realised that a fraud godman who's in jail

Or maybe he is already out on parole or on bail

He apparently declared this a day to worship your parents

Yes, the same people who gave birth to you, ladies and gents

On a totally different note, have you guys watched 12th Fail??

I ask coz I might have aced this year's 'Husband Test'

In fact, it may even be my lifetime's personal best,

I took her to a private island, for a candlelight dinner

I am usually a total loser, but this time a sure winner

She was so wowed, so until next year I can rest!

************************

Holy cow!

This is the year the V-day whine turns Sweet Sixteen! Every year, I keep thinking that I need to put a stop to this. After all, it started as a joke, a way to crib about my absent love-life in a funny way. It went on for a while, as a way to keep laughing about my plight while I was being pressured by friends and family to find a girl.

But now, I have already found love, or rather my love found me. So, there was no point in continuing this stupid thing. Except it has become tradition. And we don't take tradition lightly in this country.

At least, some of us don't. Like the Animal Welfare Board of India. We respect our traditions. We don't want western culture corrupting our minds. So, inspired by their circular, I dedicate this year's V-day post to AWBI! 

*****************************************

This year, as I was secretly wondering how

To celebrate the so called 'festival of love'

Not for me the same old chocolates and roses

Nor the stupid red balloons and clichéd poses

The AWBI has kindly suggested to hug a cow!

Apparently, hugging cows can fulfil your every wish

Since they are friendly with Gods like Ram and Krish

So, I decided to go out, searching for a cuddly bovine

But there was a huge crowd and I had to get in line

Worry not, I told myself, iss baar karenge poori koshish!

But I wasn't sure whether to only hug or should I also kiss

After all, it is a four legged animal, and not a pretty miss

And how do we even know if the cow likes to be hugged

ChatGPT says no, they aren't sociable, and get bugged

But certain folks around me were ready to drink its piss!

The cow asked me "so, you think you are a stud?"

You don't look very smart, but more like a dud

All you buggers are only friends in fair weather 

Once I grow old, you will skin me for some leather

So, why don't you let me peacefully chew my cud... 

So, I came back home to hug my lovely wife

And let the cow get on with its happy life

The wife really appreciates my ready wit 

Even if she secretly thinks it's all bullshit... 

And that's the secret to a marriage without strife! 

*****************************

PS: Apparently, the AWBI has withdrawn the its circular. But I refuse to withdraw my post! 

  

Six!

Several years ago, I was one of those guys who didn't know how to flirt

I would try of course, and the reactions would invariably be so inert

Xenon, Argon, Neon, Radon and Krypton, even they weren't so curt 

Yet, I persevered, because at least in my head, I was smart and funny

Even as those around me grimaced, every time I said something pun-ny

After all, I did have true friends who could grin and bear it with a smile

Rare creatures those, who have managed to put up with me all this while

Some of them so cheerful, they could make a cloudy day feel quite sunny!   

All those years of practice helped, when I finally had to step up my game

Gone were the hesitation, the shyness, the jokes which were oh-so-lame

One funny, sappy, quirky rhyme and I finally managed to impress the dame!

She still can't believe she fell for that, she still keeps asking herself why... 

Her mind tricked her into accepting, she tells herself a comforting lie

Even after all these years, she doesn't know whether to laugh or to cry!      

Something like magic cannot be explained by logic, only be seen

As she remembers the lunch by the beach, quite a lovely scene 

In just a fortnight since they met, she felt some chemistry so keen

Divine intervention, or destiny, she still wonders what does it mean

Yet, she definitely saw something in him, something she can't quite explain

Even she doesn't know why she said yes, much as she racks her brain!

So she tells herself, better to go with the flow, not search for logic in vain...  

******************************************************

PS1: It's been six years since my stupid rhyme skills got me the best possible prize. A girl who said yes! It's a day I try to honor, by writing more stupid rhyme!

PS2: As the years go by, I realize that love is not about the grand gestures. It is the little things. Like a blog in memory of the big day. Or at least, that's my sorry excuse for just writing this and not buying something expensive ;)  

Gratitude - Part II

Last year, in the midst of the pandemic, my old college professor had got in touch with me to check if I could sponsor the college fees of some students whose families were facing the brunt of the economic slowdown. I, in turn, reached out to family and friends, and we managed to help about 20 students. I wrote a blog post on the topic. Then, more people reached out on their own after reading the blog, and we ended up funding about 30 students in all. 

It made me realize that, in the midst of all the PJs and stupid rhyme posts I do otherwise, this simple act of penning down that I want to pay it forward can help in widening the reach of the message. I have come to realize that people are usually quite generous and become more so when they see that there is an easy way to help others.

There is a saying that the right hand should not know what the left hand does. That the act of giving should be discreet, and one should not advertise it widely. It is a good concept, and certainly needed in these times of PR where politicians, businesses and NGOs sometimes plaster their names and faces in the name of helping, often spending more to publicize themselves than on the actual aid itself.

But, there is also a case to be made to put out a message that here is an opportunity to help. And often, people do act on it, just because they have come across the opportunity, even if they were not actively looking for it. It's like buying chewing gum at the supermarket check-out line. You don't plan to buy it, but you see it is there, it is small change, and you go "Why not?"

And, I have often had this debate with myself, as to whether publishing this would indicate an exercise in 'blowing one's own trumpet', so to say. And like a true MBA, I ended up doing a half baked cost-benefit analysis and decided that the cost of this could be that a few people think "this guy is just showing off on social media and there are quieter, more dignified means of helping out people". The benefit is that 10 more students get their fees paid, just because people happened to see the message as they were scrolling through their facebook feed. And weighed against that benefit, the cost is miniscule. Or at least, one that I am more than willing to pay.

But, why this? Why not support other stuff - there are poor people who can be fed, handicapped people who can do with a bicycle donation, cancer patients who need help with their hospital bills, trees that can be planted and a multitude of more deserving causes. I have no good answers. Other than to say, it is better to do some good, than to point at all the issues that one can't help with and end up doing nothing. Plus the fact that I am not Bill Gates, and hence don't have billions of dollars to throw at multiple problems. 

Also, there is this minor detail that this specific form of paying it forward has a personal appeal to me. In the sense that I benefited from something like this. And therefore, I get more personal satisfaction from doing this than other forms of help/ contributions. 

Because at the end of it all, once the fancy masks of MBA education, private equity job, and the hubris of nation building through investing in infrastructure are all set aside, the core underneath is a simple guy who happened to stumble into this city, and got quite lucky. Lucky to have parents who valued education. Lucky to have relatives who hosted him. Lucky to have friends who accepted him and made him feel less of an outsider. Lucky to have met the most amazing girl and even luckier to have got married to her.

Because, merit, or the facade of "I studied hard, I got good marks, I work hard at my job, so I deserve success" is a good one to tell myself, to convince myself that there is a direct link between effort and result. To fool myself into believing that the world is not as random as it seems.

But it is a good practice to look into the mirror once in a while. To acknowledge the hard truth. And get a periodic reminder that the 'merit' argument papers over the privilege of never having to go with an empty lunch box to school and pretend to be busy when your friends are having lunch, never having to wear the same shirt every day and get teased for it being dirty when your friends wear sparkling white shirts, never having to struggle with English because it is a language that is alien to your parents, never having to juggle higher education with a part-time job, never having to sleep in class because of a tiring, long commute, never having to decide between eating lunch or dinner since one can afford only one meal a day, never having to drop out of school because you can't afford the fees. All of which I have seen happen to friends over the years.

And this exercise of paying it forward, is a small measure, to ensure that at least a few deserving students, do not have to sacrifice their dreams because they can't afford the college fee. Because dreams are priceless. Especially when they come true.

***********************************************

PS: If any of you want to contribute, do reach out. If you are already contributing elsewhere, more power to you. 

PS2: If you are going "why is this bugger giving so much gyaan, I come here for the PJs and the stupid rhymes", don't worry. Normal service shall resume soon. This is just a once in a year occurrence.       

Fifteen...

 Last year, I thought I should wrap up this tradition. 14 years was a right number, the end of the 'vanvaas', so to say.

But this blog hardly gets updated, and at least this tradition allows me to step back into this long forgotten space, sweep away the cobwebs, dust it up a bit and take a little walk down nostalgia lane, when life was simpler, I was younger and I could crib here about my single status and sneer at all the lovey-dovey couple posting mushy romantic stuff on their Facebook page.

Little did I know that I would end up being one of 'those' folks. Life has a way of gradually turning you into the very people you mock in your youth.

On that wistful note, let me try my hand at this year's edition...

***************

As I look back and wonder how long it has been

That I have been whining for more than fifteen

And I realize that kids who were not even born

When I first started, will now be eating popcorn

With their girlfriends in a theatre, waiting for a 'scene'...

And if you think realizing that makes me feel really really old,  

Yes, sometimes my joints creak, even in Mumbai's mild cold,

But the more things change, the more they remain the same,

I remind myself that I may lose but I can still play the game,

Because in life, you call or you raise, but you never ever fold!

And as we complete two whole years of this boring 'stay-at-home' 

The virus wrecks our plans to go visit London, Paris, and Rome

All we can do is reminisce about the mountain lake in Bergen

Or about the translation of that Russian hostel lady and her gun   

Is there a German word for this 'wanting to travel' syndrome?

Because what is love, but the memories we collect together

Of remembering all the silly things I did just to-get-her

It is also about wanting to continue to create newer memories

Like 'pasta without shrimp' and 'breakfasts of only berries'  

Of inside jokes and secrets that make sense only to each other

Love is joking to folks that you have forgotten how to ride a bike

And going on a walking tour, but cribbing about the 10 hour hike

Waking up tired the next day and going for another long, scenic route  

And then wrapping up with a dinner of reindeer and pureed beetroot 

And wondering later which is the veg dish, since they both look alike!

Love is sleeping through dinner time, and having just carrot cake

And also 'birthday special' trips to a hotel overlooking a lake

But love is not just about fancy trips but the daily routine stuff too

It is about how you care for me, and the little things that you do 

Like worrying when I wheeze, and the medicines you insist I take...

  

Some wise old man said the older you become, the wiser you get

Even if you mostly tend to ramble a lot and most things you forget

But nothing beats the feeling of being young, and walking a mile 

Just in the hope of catching your eye, and sharing a silent smile

Even the wise old men would like to rewind the clock, I bet... 

********************

PS: And like every year, I hope to get away by writing some crappy rhyme in place of a nice shiny gift... 

Five!

Fate sure does have a weird, twisted sense of humour

I can say for sure, it's not just another passing rumour

Valentine rhymes I wrote, full of crap, but without fail

Every year, hoping for a love story like "You've got M@il"

Yet, nothing happened, not one gal seemed impressed

Even as they read it and laughed, and I got depressed

And then, one fine day, just like that, out of nowhere

Randomness or destiny, I really don't know nor care

She walked into my life, and I started feeling blessed!

After scouring the marriage market through shaadi.com

Getting worried about the pressure on her dad and mom

One day, she decided, let me try out a real life rom-com!

She still struggles to fathom why she fell for this stupid con

How the hell does the majestic Queen fall victim to a mere pawn

Except, in her heart, she knows that all the Knights were gone!

Soon, she realized that pawns were really the best

As all the other pieces get killed and go to rest 

In the chess game called life, the pawn marches on

Deep into enemy territory, even if all hope is gone...

You see, the humble pawn moves but one step at a time, 

Even as other pieces fight, the pawn avoids blood and grime    

Soldiering on, till he wins over the Queen with his sappy rhyme!  

************

PS: As usual, I pay tribute to the day I won the marriage lottery. With a proposal in rhyme! Frogs croak, I rhyme, and we both get the princess! 

PS2: I have been accused of spending too much time on chess. Guilty as charged. 

Gratitude...

Two decades ago, a boy came to Mumbai from a small town at the foothills of Ooty. He came with very little but he had big dreams.  

He knew his dad had worked a lot to make this 'studying in Mumbai' possible. And an uncle had kindly agreed to accommodate him and give him shelter.

He slowly realized that Mumbai is a very expensive city. He also realized that he is a very cheap guy. And when an expensive city meets a cheap guy, the city wins. And so, he promised himself, that he might lose, but he won't go down without a fight.

So, he doubled down on his cheapness. When friends hung out at the college canteen, ordering samosas and chai, he pretended to hurry home. Because he was too cheap to spend money. When friends decided to go for a movie, he sat in the library and read. And read. A lot. Because books were free, the library was a nice place to sit without worrying about stuff. Like how the movie ticket was priced more than his weekly allowance.

His father had promised him, that money will be sent to his uncle every month. For expenses. And money arrived every month, without fail. Despite the pressures back home. But the boy knew not to take advantage of that. Because he had been taught well.

Then, one day, he got the news that his father had lost his job. Because the company where Appa had dedicated 17 years of his life to suddenly had a change in management. And the new management asked Appa to cook the books. And Appa had always said that sleep doesn't come easy on a mattress filled with money. So, he quit. Without another job lined up. With a wife and two kids to provide for.

And yet the money arrived every month, without fail. Despite the pressures back home.

The boy doubled down further on his cheapness. And started to wonder whether it might be a good idea to return back home, rather than spend time in an expensive city.

But when things feel hopeless, something turns up. Something did. A friend of his Paati happened to mention to her that she sponsors fees of young deserving students who are facing financial difficulty, from the rent income she got from her spare flat. And Paati asked her whether she will be ok to fund this boy. And she was ok.

And thus, the boy got his fees paid, without his dad having to stretch his dwindling savings any further. 

And the boy did well at studies. Of course, as one of his friends wisecracked, any guy who spent that much time in the library was bound to do well. 

And the boy grew up. Studied more, took out a loan, did his MBA and got a fancy job. Or at least, the job seemed fancy at first. It paid more as a starting salary than what his father made after 25 years of experience. And soon, he was able to send money back home. He made sure the money arrived home every month, without fail. 

And his dad continued to work, saying he wanted to work till the boy's younger brother also completed his education. Despite the boy telling him to take it easy, and that he can very well fund his brother.

And his dad started helping colleagues' kids, saying "now that you are doing well, it is time to pay it forward".

Years passed. And the boy got 'settled', at least professionally. He continued to grow at his job, get fancier pay and was soon able to get his father to retire and his parents to shift to Mumbai.  

Unfortunately, just when the boy bought his own house and started dreaming about getting his dad to enjoy a comfortable retired life, life threw a googly. And his dad passed away, way too soon, having worked all his life to ensure that his sons got a good education, got good jobs and would not need to struggle for money, but before he could sit back and enjoy the fruits of his life's work.

And that is when the boy decided. That he would continue his father's idea, of "paying it forward", in his father's memory.

It started small. A couple of students in a school for special needs kids. And another through an NGO. 

And unfortunately, it remained small for quite some time.

And then, last year, the pandemic hit. People lost their livelihoods. Some lost their lives. And while he was thinking about how to expand the scope of "paying it forward", in one of those serendipitous encounters, his ex-professor reached out asking whether he would be interested in helping out a couple of students who were facing difficulty in paying fees. On Appa's birth anniversary.

The boy said "Yes, of course." And thus, 2 sponsored kids became 6. 

And then, as the pandemic continued to worsen, the boy realized that he was incredibly lucky. That while people were losing everything, he had the privilege of working from home, and a job that paid salaries on time. And good health, although he keeps reminding himself he should be fitter. And a loving family, also in good health. And the boy realized that all of this had been possible, thanks to the kindness of a stranger, a friend of his Paati who agreed to fund his education without having even met him once.

And he resolved to increase the scope of "paying it forward." Not by a lot, but by as much as he could.

And so he reached out to his ex-professor, and told her that this year, he will try to do more. And then he reached out to family and friends, and asked them whether they'd be interested. And he's lucky to have incredible family and friends, who opened their hearts, and more importantly, their wallets.

And thus, 6 sponsored kids became 20 this year.

And the boy tells himself, "let's hope we reach 50 next time..." 

But till the next time comes around, he thought he might as well pen this down. Not to brag to the world. But more to remind himself that it is important to continue to pay it forward. That what seems like a nominal amount to him, may be a great deal more important to someone else in need.

Because the pandemic may soon be over, life goes back to normal, and the boy may forget this promise to himself, as he gets distracted with work, family, mortgage and other boring adult stuff. And so, he hopes his friends will remind him of this promise. And continue to help, when he reaches out with more students that need help.

Thanks folks. You did it. you know who you are.

14 years...

14 long years. That's the time Lord Ram spent in the forest, away from his kingdom, all because his father had given two boons to his step-mother.

14 long years. That's the time I have been writing a post about V-day... first cribbing, and then celebrating it because one myopic lady said "Yes" when I asked her to marry me.

In 14 years, Lord Ram managed to walk through most of India, made a few friends, raised an army and crossed the sea to rescue his kidnapped wife and defeated an all-powerful king.

In 14 years, I have gained a few kilos, lost more hair than I'd have liked and cribbed about life, love and everything else, to whoever might listen.

Maybe that's why they call Lord Ram is the ideal man. And they call me the idle man. But my followers are equally lazy to build me a temple, so that should count for something.

On that irreverent note, let's kick off this year's edition of V-day rhymes...

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Once upon a time, long long ago, in a land far, far away,

There lived a boy who loved to dream during the day

He loved to read, and his mind used to narrate this story

He imagined himself to be a great king, full of glory

He'd cross the ocean and all his enemies, he would slay!

As he grew up to be a young lad, he continued to daydream

Of being a dashing prince, whose name women would scream

He'd look down in the water, and shoot a rotating fish in the eye

As he looked up, the beautiful princess would say, "Oh hai hai!"

And he'd smile to himself like the fat cat who got the cream!

And then he grew up some more, and realized that he was scared,

Not just of monkeys who lunged at him with teeth bared

But also of oceans and seas, as he once went for a scuba dive

And he realized he'd never be a brave king, but he'd strive

To be at least an honest one, for he 'truth'-ed and never dared 

But while honesty may be the best policy, his stupid plan 

Most definitely did not make him a popular ladies' man

And while he could make a few jokes to make them laugh

For a long time, he had no luck with finding a better half

He worried that, in this particular race, he'd just be an also-ran!

And then, out of nowhere, his luck did a 180-degree turn

He met a wonderful woman, his advances she didn't spurn

He didn't even have to break Shiva's bow or shoot a fish

As Lady Luck smiled on him, and fulfilled his every wish!

But he soon realized he knew nothing, and had a lot to learn...

One of the first things he learnt was that 'I'll be there for you'

Was not just a sitcom song, but a requirement for a beau

And that while there may be days of really extreme stress

It doesn't mean that her love and affection grow any less

And that she had been, is, and always will be there for me too...

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PS: And that marks yet another year of writing crappy rhyme and hoping that it makes up for the lack of a proper gift. I don't know how many years I'll get away with this stunt, but one lives and one learns...

The more things change... Part II

 I wrote a 10-year review post ten years ago and given all that has transpired since then, it seems like a good idea to revisit the theme...

Reading that earlier post, I smile, because what seemed like big leaps then, turns out to have been the first few confident steps in this funny journey called life...

A lot has happened in these past 10 years...

Bought a house in 2012. Vowed never to undergo that horrifying experience again. And like everything else that I told myself I'd never do, went ahead and bought another in 2018 and sold the first. At a notional profit and a real loss. 

Dreamt I would no longer have to deal with idiot Mumbai house owners and those cunning real estate brokers. Ended up in a rental after buying the first house anyway. Moved houses 4 times in this decade alone, and ended up in a place where I have told myself that I will stay put for the next decade and a half. Let's see how that pans out.

Went on my first foreign vacation. And then followed it up with many more, once I realized that meeting people and going to different places were more fun than I had imagined. Briefly became that irritating idiot who spouts the 'collecting experiences and forming memories are more important that accumulating stuff' nonsense while doing both anyways. But I did form some good memories. And some hazy ones because I had imbibed too much spirit to remember stuff. 

While I am usually careful with my money, vacations are my kryptonite. I started my first one with a detailed note on every cent spent, but over time, I have ended up splurging like a millionaire, with only a vague idea of who ripped me off. Have told myself that I shall continue to wander because as the last touristy knick-knack I bought reads "We travel not to escape life, but for life not to escape us". Let's see how that pans out.

Ran a few half marathons. Dreamt about a marathon. But I soon got bored of it. Tried exercise, but I simply don't have the mental discipline to stick to a proper workout regime. As I grow older, and with a hereditary history of diabetes (or what we call parambarai sotthu), I have promised myself that I will get fitter. Let's see how that pans out.

Changed jobs without changing my company, and worried about it. Then changed company without changing my job, and worried about that too. Stepped on to the Board of some portfolio companies, and worried about that too. Joked about attending 'bored meetings', as humour is nothing but a mask for underlying worries. And learnt that I tend to worry about stuff I can't control, when it comes to work and jobs, and it is time that I learn not to worry. Let's see how that pans out.

Dealt with the loss of my father. The emotional low point of this decade. I promised myself that I will do him proud. Still struggling with this, but I have made a small start. A few kids got their college fees paid, and they would never know that it was to honor the memory of a fine gentleman they never had the fortune to meet. And that is the way he would have liked it. I have promised myself that this is something that will grow much bigger in future. Let's see how that pans out.

Used to rant on V-day, whining about how girls were so myopic that they failed to see my charm. And then, gloated about charming this wonderful girl into marrying me while secretly being grateful that she was myopic enough to not see how great she was. The emotional high point of this decade. However, have told myself that I shall continue the V-day thing, because, tradition. Let's see how that pans out.

A lot has changed. Some things remain the same.

It's been an amazing ten years. Bring on the next 10! Happy New Year!

One little question can change your life...

First time I set eyes on her, she was dressed in black,

One look at her, and I knew I was on the right track,

Until I looked into her eyes, and she looked back into mine 

Reality vanished, and everything in the world seemed fine

"You lucky idiot, you know that you won't get another chance"

Exquisite, beautiful, charming, kind, knows how to dance!

All that in a cute little package, what else can you ask for!

Rarely will such a girl walk into your life, and you want more?

So said my inner voice, as I continued to steal yet another glance!

And then I gathered up my courage, and said, what the hell

Go for it, pour out your heart, better learn how to hard-sell

One thing led to another, and we together rang the wedding bell!

Such was the start of this wonderful relationship,

Have to say, so far, it's been a really amazing trip

Evolving into what I hope will be a long partnership!

She "makes me want to be a better man"

As I steal a filmy line, like only I can,

I say to myself, I really can't believe my stars

Destiny, fortune or maybe the influence of Mars?

You already know how this tradition goes,

Every year, I write some mushy, sappy prose

Saves me the cost of getting her a pricey rose!  

*********************************************************

PS: In a life filled with many ups and downs, one achievement of mine stands out. I charmed her enough to say Yes!

Roll the Dice - Part II

"Good morning, this is your wake up call Sir." a sweet voice aroused Kali from his sleep.
Ayyo, everyday she should wake me up like this, he muttered to himself, as he stretched out struggling to shake off his jet lag.

He stumbled to the washroom, still groggy and turned on the washbasin tap. Only to jump back as a stream of hot water scalded his hand. Damn these fancy hotels. One tap spews scalding water, and the other one will freeze the blood in your veins. Why can't they understand what 'room temperature' water means? Bloody idiots.

One thing he didn't mind in the fancy hotels was the nice smelling body gel they had in the showers. A far cry from the days of sharing one brick of Lifebouy with the whole family. Kali showered at leisure, letting the warm water wash away his tiredness.

Today was an important day. Kali, along with the cohort of 2019, had been invited to Las Vegas for his company's annual off-site. The big bosses will fly in in their private jets, the next in lines had to make do with commercial (albeit, in first class), and even fresh first-year analysts like him were accorded business class. Wait, was that the reason the blonde had smiled at him? Because his company paid extra for his seat? He looked in the mirror, smoothed his hair, stuck a Thalaivar pose and told himself, "Don't worry macha, you are cool da."

Once he was ready, he went across to Senthil's room. "Dei, tie katti kudra". 2 years of business school and six months of a finance career, and he still hadn't mastered the art of wearing a tie. One of the perks of working in a private equity firm was that he didn't have to dress up everyday. Unlike his friends at investment banks. "We roll up his sleeves and get our hands dirty in this business", he mimicked his boss, as Senthil handed him back the tie to wear.

The other thing he didn't mind in the fancy hotels was their breakfast spread. For a guy who was used to eating two naram paos dunked in chai as breakfast, the breakfast buffet was like paradise. Three kinds of jam. As much butter as you want. Warm croissants. Eggs made as you like. Although he doubted whether American chefs knew how to make masala omelettes. But he gathered his plate, filled it up with more food than he could carry, and settled down at a table with Senthil.

"Hello, I am Shruti. Mind if I join you?", she asked, more as a formality as she settled herself into the empty chair.

"Of course, no problem", Kali murmured, as he looked into her dark, wide eyes...

In his mind, he was already married. The blue-eyed blonde and the petite brunette slowly faded away. Yesterday, there had been space in his heart for multiple women. Today, it was reserved for only one.

"I'm Senthil, this is KC", his friend had obviously decided to show that he had more manners than Kali.

"Nice to meet you, guys", she said.

"Of all the tables in all the hotels in this world, she walks up to mine... Play it again, Samy" Kali thought to himself. He continued to stare at her.

"I wish they had a more decent breakfast spread. There's hardly any healthy stuff!" she went on as she picked on some fruits, oblivious to Kali's unabashed staring and his plate full of unhealthy calories.

A girl brought up in luxury can afford to be choosy about what she eats. Wonder what she'll say about two naram paos and chai, he thought.

He had heard about her. Shruti Rajagopalan. Everyone in the cohort of 2019 had heard about her. Her father was an IFS officer, ambassador to some country. She had lived across 4 continents while still in school. Fluent in English, French, Spanish and Mandarin. The popular gossip in the cohort was that she didn't have to attend four rounds of grueling interviews to get hired. After all, there are some perks of your dad being the Managing Partner's golf buddy.   

No big deal, Kali told himself. So what if he hadn't seen 4 continents. Going from Dharavi to Bandra was like traversing two parallel universes. And he had survived. And earned his place at this table. The hard way. After all, his dad wouldn't know which end of the golf club to hold.

They finished their breakfast, she full of bubbly anecdotes about winter vacation spent skiing in the Alps, he nodding along wistfully thinking whether his outing with friends to Kalra Caves would be worth mentioning.

As she got up to leave, she said "Senthil, KC, we should catch up for dinner too. I am bored of sitting with these Americans."

Little did he know that, many years later, he would wonder... If only she hadn't walked up to his table, if only she hadn't held out her delicate hand, if only he hadn't felt an electric shock up his spine as he shook it...

If only.