Vietnam Travails - 5

Day 5: Day Trip to Ninh Binh

Another early start on Day 5 as we had a day trip to Ninh Binh. A fairly active day with a lot of walking involved, so we (or rather I) loaded up at the buffet breakfast.

Our guide for the day was quite the comic (called himself 'Tom', and said the bus driver's name is 'Jerry'!). Kept us entertained with his funny one-liners in a deadpan accent for most of the way. We started at around 8 am and reached the base of the Lying Dragon Mountain around 10.45. He gave us an hour and a half to climb to the top and come back ("only 500 steps, very easy..."), and the start was simple enough. Well laid out steps, good views along the way, pleasant weather... till the steps started getting steeper half way through, and our lack of general fitness started to show. But we huffed and puffed and made it to the top.

There is a stone dragon carved on top of the hill and people were climbing all over it (despite a chain link kept to prevent people from going there). Just like India. We also followed the crazy folks ("when in Rome..."). The dragon itself was not so great but the views from the top were quite amazing.

We stopped to click photos at every opportunity, lost track of time, and were late going back to the bus. The other folks who had made it on time gave us the 'silent stare' treatment, but c'mon folks, we are on vacation, and what's a few minutes here and there between friends strangers who we would not meet again?

We proceeded to Hoa Lu, the ancient capital of Vietnam. The guide gave us a good narration about how the king fled to this valley to hide from Mongolian invaders, and used the uneven ground and fortress to evade the cavalry, then raised a rebel army to resist the invaders yada yada. I half listened to it, but was too busy admiring the scenery to pay attention and retain what he said. 

The temple visit was followed by visit to a village with an option to go cycling around the village. Anusha opted to rest it out while I jumped at the opportunity to ride around dusty uneven road surrounded by mountains and lakes (brought back memories of Kallar, Mettupalayam!).

A leisurely lunch followed, with some more excellent Pho. We then headed to Trang An, where a nice boat ride awaited us. "This is the place where the King Kong Skull Island was filmed," our guide told us enthusiastically. 

We had a little Thai kid and his mom for company on the boat since it seats 4 people. Ray (my little friend for the boat ride) wanted to sit in the front of the boat, and also wanted to row. He even handed me an oar and insisted I row with him to "make the boat go faster since King Kong might step out from behind the mountain!"

  

 We rowed around for almost an hour, going under some really low caves (low enough that you have to duck to avoid bumping your head) and it was a nice way to relax after the sumptuous lunch.

After the boat ride, we took a quick coffee break (yet another salt coffee!) and found a hall decorated nicely with hanging lights and lanterns.

We slept through the bus ride on the way back, a bit tired from all the walking and cycling and rowing, but feeling quite happy with ourselves!

We were half-way through our vacation, and Sapa, our last destination on the trip, awaited us...  

Vietnam Travails - 4

Day 3-4: Hanoi - Ha Long Bay - Hanoi   

We had heard a lot about Ha Long Bay and it did not disappoint. Some friends had said a 'day cruise' would be good enough. But the jetty is about a 3 hour drive from Hanoi and we didn't want the vacation to be too hectic. So, we had opted for a nice overnight cruise through the emerald green waters interspersed with towering limestone island peaks, and it was good!

People who know me for long know that I am usually very tight-fisted when it comes to spending. But I make an exception to that when I am on vacation - I tend to splurge like a millionaire (well, not exactly like a millionaire, but yeah, I don't count the pennies so much). We had booked a good cruise (Halong Boutique), and on reaching the port, we were told we had been 'upgraded' to a better cruise (M'Gloria). We don't know if it was really an upgrade or they found a way to simply club passengers across two cruises into one, but we really liked our boat.

It takes about an hour on a smaller boat to reach the main cruise, and the guide spent the better part of that hour explaining to us the history of Ha Long Bay and how the locals believe that this is the place where dragons came to earth to protect the local fishermen (Ha Long means 'descending dragons'). Ha Long gets quite crowded (some 300+ boats cruising through), and they took us to Lan Ha Bay instead (slightly less crowded, only 200 boats!). 

As soon as we boarded the cruise, we were served an elaborate multi-course lunch. We had requested for vegetarian options and the chef took great care to ensure he catered to our (or rather, Anusha's) dietary restrictions. Big thumbs up! The food, the cocktail (Bailey's + banana shake, innovatively named the Dolphin) and the view - everything was amazing! Color me impressed!

 I was looking forward to a relaxed siesta post the fantastic lunch when they announced that people interested in kayaking should report to the reception! The one grouse I had with the cruise was that it was quite packed with various activities, and while they are all optional, we tend to develop acute FOMO especially having paid for the whole package, and end up trying out all that they have on offer, leaving us with very little time to simply sit and stare at the scenic views.

Now, we don't know how to swim. And I am usually scared of the sea, after a couple of not-so-pleasant experiences with scuba-diving (once in Goa when I let go of the oxygen tube from my mouth, panicked, inhaled lots of sea-water and ended up getting a lecture mid-sea from the instructor as I was coughing it out, and the other time in Bali where the boat ride to get to the dive site was so rough that I promptly deposited my entire breakfast into the sea even before I jumped into the water!). But kayaking doesn't involve getting into the water (as long as you don't lose balance), so we decided to go for it. While the group of Aussie tourists who were with us promptly took off at great speed, we were not so coordinated and ended up rowing in circles for a bit before we figured it out. But quite a relaxing experience, floating on the calm waters, watching the sun play hide and seek behind the limestone peaks.

 Once we were back on the boat, they had a Happy Hour going, and I ended up being quite happy at the end of it. It was followed by a nice dinner and a party on the boat, with Christmas songs, some games and dancing. We even got a couple of Bollywood songs played and it was a nice end to an exciting day.

The next day was a blur, as we woke up late (I wasn't too keen on the early morning Tai Chi session on the deck) and simply relaxed around the boat. An early brunch and it was time to say good-bye to our cruise. I slept through most of the way back on the bus. 

I had a small checklist of local Hanoi dishes I wanted to try, one of which was Eel soup (aka "How to Hanoi your wife" soup). Anusha absolutely refused to come along for this adventure, so I went alone for this sampling. The eels look not so appetizing, but they were quite crunchy and salty, almost like the karuvadam we have. 

Followed it up with a Banh Mi at Banh Mi 25, and then Anusha wanted to have the noodle salad again.

I was tempted too, so I ended up having the third meal of the evening. After that, we walked around Haon Kiem lake, admiring the Christmas decorations and hopefully burning some of the extra calories that I had gleefully added to my already impressive waistline.

Links if you are visiting Hanoi and want an idea of the street food:

https://hanoioldquarterguide.com/street-food-in-hanoi.html

https://www.adventuresofjellie.com/vietnam/hanoi-food-guide

Vietnam Travails - 3

Day 2: Hanoi (also known as Ha Noi)

Remember when I said we had planned Vietnam in 2023 itself, trip got cancelled and we used the credit shell for our 2024 trip? Well, the fares had increased in the interim, so the amount in the credit shell was not adequate to cover the return leg. Succumbing to the sunk cost fallacy of not wanting to let the amount already paid go waste, I used the credit shell for the onward leg, and bought the tickets for the Hanoi to Mumbai part by paying extra cash. But that left me with a large-ish unutilized amount in the credit shell. 

It was kind of like the old trick my mom used to pull when she would put just a bit of extra chutney on my plate that would not be finished when my usual count of dosas got done, and so I'd agree to eat another dosa but the chutney would not be adequate for this new dosa, so she'd pour more chutney... but that chutney would be left when I finished the extra dosa and she'd say "I'll make you a small dosa to finish the chutney... and before I knew it, I had put on two extra kilos.  

Well, what do you do when you have a excess chutney situation but in the form of a credit shell with an airline - you say "Aaj bhai bijness class mein jaayega" and so I used the leftover chutney to get myself a masala dosa instead of a plain dosa. Take that VietJet!

Except when we confidently stepped towards the business class counter, the lady took one look at me and probably thought "Yet another idiot who can't read that this is not for Economy" and promptly directed me to the other queue. To be mistreated in a European country due to my brown skin was one thing, but to be mistreated in a country whose currency is 300 times cheaper than mine... well no siree, I ain't gonna put up with that shit. So, I showed her the boarding pass again, and pointed proudly to the "Business" written on it. Who's the "SkyBoss" now, eh?

A short 2 hour flight passed where Anusha blissfully slept off on the seats that did recline for a change, while I finished off the latest Jeffery Archer book that I had dutifully carried. And before I could also test whether my seat reclines, we had landed in Noi Bai International Airport.

We had booked a hotel in the Old Quarter (like the million other tourists who go to Hanoi). I had booked a Vegan Food Tasting Walking Tour (this one, and Minh, our guide was super helpful. Do try it if you ever go to Hanoi). The absolute stand-out for me was a coconut dessert (coconut malai in coconut milk, with coconut water jelly; unfortunately, forgot the name of the shop!) while Anusha fell in love with a vegan noodle salad (here).

Hanoi has probably the best street food scene among the places I have had the opportunity to visit (Penang comes a close second). Not a great place for vegans, but if you are open to trying out new stuff without worrying about what creepy crawley thing has been cooked, then it kinda blows your mind! Bun Cha, Pho, Banh Mi... the one thing that would drag me back to Hanoi would be the food! Not for Hanoians the fancy ambience, expensive china, mood lighting or soft background music. They just settle down on those low plastic stools on the sidewalk, as the traffic passes by, amidst the noise in the street, but with the most flavorful hot broth and noodles in a plastic bowl with a pair of chopsticks and a steel spoon. Add a few fresh herbs, and a bite of the spicy red chilly, and suddenly all is well with the world. 

Some of the food was the "How to Hanoi your wife" variety, and those photos shall not be put up here (since folks in my family also read this blog!).

How can one visit Hanoi and not go to the famous Train Street? It is the proper kind of tourist trap, the gimmicky place which has sold out its soul for a few insta-likes. The kind of place I quietly rage against, since it spoils the very character of the city thanks to an influx of a very superficial kind of tourist, the kind who go from place to place just ticking things off a check-list of "things to see, stuff to do", the been-there-done-that kind. The kind of place that I wouldn't want to be caught dead in. I mean, there is a railway track and a train passes by, while people sit at cafes close enough to touch the train as it goes, drinking over-priced coffee and beer. What's the big deal about it? I come from Mettupalayam, I have done my share of waving at passing trains in my childhood. 

So, what did we do? Of course, I went and posed there like the rest of the crowd, because I am a hypocrite (it's easier to say this than to say "My wife made me pose here").  

I even placed the beer bottle cap on the tracks and carried back the flattened cap as a souvenir (or rather, a reminder of the hypocrite I am). 

Btw, in HCMC, we had come across a guy doing some oil paints which looked amazing enough for Anusha to insist I go to the ATM and get cash to buy them. I can now claim that I now own a painting worth a million bucks*. We now eagerly awaited what new surprises Hanoi had in store for us.  

(* so what if it is a million in Vietnamese Dong).

Vietnam Travails - 2

Read Part -1 first. 

Day 1: Saigon (also known as Ho Chi Minh City)

Getting out of Saigon airport gave very similar feels to getting out of Dadar Railway Station. You are suddenly accosted by multiple cries of "Taxi! Taxi!" as multiple cab operators try to convince you that they are the Krishna to your Arjuna. They even throw a Bhagavad Gita lesson in for free "Just get into the cab (apna karm karo), don't worry about fare (phal ki chinta mat karo)..."

But we had a pre-booked cab from the hotel. All that meant was that we overpaid, but without the added bonus of feeling that we were being ripped off. Tip for folks going to Vietnam. Grab App is your saviour. Works like Uber, fares are reasonable and except for the airport ride where you are likely to have luggage, you can even hop on as a pillion rider on a scooter (which incidentally is the fastest and coolest way to commute in the city).

Since we had only one day in Saigon, and didn't want to tire ourselves with day trips as soon as we landed, we avoided the usual Mekong Delta tours. Also avoided the Tunnel tours since one of us is claustrophobic and I won't say who. How do you kill time in a city when you avoid the usual tours that it has to offer?

We had heard a lot about shopping in Vietnam - stuff is cheap, you get to bargain (so that you come away thinking you are smart even if you have overpaid), and for once, Anusha was happy that instead of making a face, I agreed to shop. Off to Ben Thanh market we went, and it is like a large-ish version of Crawford Market and Fashion Street (btw, I have got into this habit of translating everything I encounter abroad into its Indian equivalent - a sure sign of becoming a middle aged Indian unkil!).

For once, I succumbed to the touristy shtick of shopping - bought of bagful of clothes, and judging by the size of the smile the shopkeeper lady gave us as she saw us off, I am sure we had been the proverbial Santa to her kids for Christmas. We got the prices down by about 30% or so, but later learnt that one typically has to start bargaining at 70% lower and settle at about 50% of whatever they quote. 

Had lunch at a cafe right next to the market and I had my first bowl of Phở pronounced (Fuh). Probably because the dish makes you fuh-get all your troubles. Vietnam doesn't hate us after all. Any country that can feed you such a warm broth packed with flavours cannot hate you. I also had my first (of many) cup of salted iced coffee. Salt coffee sounds weird, like someone put salt into coffee instead of sugar but served it anyway. But it is a classic case of don't judge a dish by its name. A delightful combination of condensed milk, salt, ice and coffee - I am a big, big, fan of this coffee. Whoever mistakenly put salt instead of sugar and created this wonderful concoction, I doff my Vietnamese cone shaped hat to you ma'am!

We had booked a free walking tour (I usually find these to be the best way to get to know a city, as the guides are usually enthu volunteers who are eager to show you the usual sights and sounds of their city). Our guide Dong (or Vera) was a super enthu lady. English was clearly not her first language, but her enthusiasm for the city and its history more than made up for it. She even taught us a song (which goes Vietnaaaaaaaam... Hooo Chiiii Minh, and is quite the ear-worm! 10 days later and I still startle Anusha by suddenly belting out my besura version of Vietnaaaaaaaaam... Hoooo Chiiiii Minhhhhh!). 

The city apparently has a crazy 'walking street' which comes alive at night. I might have enthusiastically gone to if I were 10 years younger and single. But given we had come off a tiring airport drama and a not-so-comfortable flight and still walked around for most of the day, we decided to call it a day once the tour ended. Went to a vegan restaurant but they served 'fake meat' (soya and tofu but with the texture of meat). Never understood the appeal of this 'fake meat' vegan thing. The vegetarians do not like it because they think they are being fed something strange, and the meat-eaters do not like it because, well, it is not meat! Anyways, one of the few unsatisfying meals of the trip, and glad I ticked that Murphy checklist off on the first day itself. That, and the coconut coffee which wasn't much to my liking. I am firmly in the salt coffee camp!

We had a morning flight to Hanoi the next day at 10.00 am. And VietJet, true to form, delayed that flight by an hour. But it was ok, gave us an extra hour's sleep and also tied in nicely with the check-in time for our hotel in Hanoi.

Vietnam Travails - 1

"Go to Vietnam," they said. 

"It will be fun," they said.

It was fun. Vietnam is a whole lot like India. A country of contradictions. Every opinion about the place and its diametric opposite holds true. 

It is a place where you come away with a smile after an encounter with some of the warmest people you will have the pleasure of meeting. It is also a place which will make you tear your hair out at the shenanigans some of them try to pull.

But first, we had to get there. So, I will start at the very beginning (because I am not Nolan).

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Our Vietnam trip was planned for end of December 2023. We had booked the tickets, the hotels, a cruise, the whole shebang. Then a personal emergency in the family led to us canceling the trip at the last moment. Thankfully, VietJet allowed us a credit shell to use the tickets anytime within the next 12 months.

Then 2024 happened. A year that was a bit of a crazy ride both personally and professionally. A year when I was suddenly reminded of my old friend, Murphy. Both Anusha and I badly needed a vacation. And the deadline for using the credit shell was coming up. So, we decided to tempt fate again and booked the tickets to Vietnam.

I don't believe in reincarnation. Generally. But maybe I was an American soldier in a previous birth raining Agent Orange on the poor Vietnamese. There is no other way for me to make sense of what happened at the VietJet check-in counter. 

Our flight was for Dec 21st, a Saturday evening at midnight. 0040 hrs to be precise. We left home at a good four hours prior, with a plan to have a light dinner at the airport once we were done with the check-in. The ever reliable Google Maps showed 40 minutes to the airport. the The first sign was on the road itself. We encountered a massive traffic jam. An hour later, we were still on the road (pun intended). Leading up to the oxymoron that is the Western Express Highway. After figuring out alternate routes that involved going back to the other dreaded LBS Marg. Which, unlike the straight-forward leader it is named after, is anything but! We even called the airport to check when exactly the check-in counter closes, and were reassured that it only closes 60 minutes prior.

Anyway, to cut a long (sob) story short, we managed to arrive at the airport at 2320 hours. Skipped the entry queue, apologizing to the irritated passengers and rushed to the check-in counter only to see a board flashing "ETD 0200 hours". Phew. I still had hopes of getting some food into me, since I get really cranky like a four-year old when I am hungry.

The VietJet rep looked at our tickets, our passports and visas, checked something on his mobile and calmly informed us, "You are not on this flight. You have been transferred to the flight on 27th December." 

I calmly turned to Anusha and said, "See, we were unnecessarily worried that we are late. Turns out we are a whole week early." And turned around and left the airport.

.

.

.

Of course not. If I had done that, I would not be boring you with this excuse of a blogpost now.

I simply said, "Wait, what?"

"Sir, you have been transferred to the flight on 27th December due to operational reasons."

"Ah, operational reasons. That explains it. See you in a week," I said. And turned around and left the airport.

.

.

.

Of course not. I mean, what the hell was the guy expecting me to do?

I simply put on my most professional poker face and said, "Sorry, I don't understand. What do you mean operational reasons? And what do you mean December 27th? We are going there for only 9 days, we already have our hotels and a cruise booked, we even have internal flights booked on your airline. We need to be on this flight."

"I am sorry sir. We had already sent a message to more than 150 passengers that they have been transferred to a different date. You would have also got the message."

"Wait, what? What message?"

Ok, turns out it is partly my fault. VietJet had indeed sent me a message. From an unknown number. On 20th December, at 2024 hours. A whole 28 hours prior to our flight. Enough time obviously for us to re-plan our whole trip. I was the idiot who had missed such an important announcement from my airline, in the form of an SMS.

So, I simply said, "Sorry, my bad." And turned around and left the airport. (You obviously know where this is going, so I am not going to put the three dots to simply write Of course not, and continue the post. After all, this is a blog, not a stupid WhatsApp forward).

I said, "Do you expect me to re-arrange my whole holiday on the basis of an SMS sent from an unknown number 1 night prior to the day I am supposed to fly?"

"I am sorry sir, but you have been transferred to a different flight due to operational reasons." He had started sounding like a broken record. I had run out of things to say. 

Time to take this conversation to the next level. So, I channeled the inner Karen in me and said, "You need to speak to my manager" and promptly unleased Anusha on him.

Some of you have met Anusha. Most of you have not had the pleasure. You simply know her as the wonderful woman who was short-sighted enough to say yes to marry me.

Well, ladies and gentlemen, let me present to you, Anusha Stubborn, First of Her Name, Queen of all my Kingdoms. 

The next phase of this blogpost shall be presented in terms of a boxing match, between World Heavyweight Champion of "Saying the Same Line Multiple Times", the Airline Representative (AR1), and World Featherweight Champion of "Not taking No for an Answer" Anusha Rao (AR, but the 1 and only)...

(I dare not call her heavyweight, I did not survive 7.5 years of marriage by making such elementary mistakes!)

"What exactly is the operational reason?" Anusha starts with a light jab.

"The flight has been downgraded due to operational reasons. So a smaller aircraft has been assigned." AR1 deftly side-steps the jab.

"So it is your fault that a smaller aircraft was sent. Why should we paying passengers suffer for no fault of ours?" Anusha still testing her opponent with some jabs.

"Ma'am, the larger aircraft has been grounded due to operational reasons. We cannot help it. The flight is already full. We had to prioritize passengers who had onward journeys and connecting flights. We can compensate you for the flight, of course," AR1 is also an experienced boxer.

"My father was in Air India for 34 years. So I understand that aircraft gets occasionally grounded. But it is the airline's responsibility to put us on the next available flight of any other airline. We cannot be expected to postpone our entire trip by a week because of your fault," Anusha with a one-two punch slowly showing her repertoire. I was sorely tempted to add that Air India flights got grounded more than occasionally, but I was in her corner for this fight. So I reserved my jabs for a different day.

"You can book a flight through Indigo via Kolkata. We will reimburse that fare," AR1 conceding ground after taking a body hit.

I took out my phone to check the said Indigo flight through Kolkata. Anusha dismissed me to the side. She didn't want any distractions.

So, the rest of the fight happened at a distance, like the DragonBallZ episodes wherein the warriors suddenly ascend to the skies to continue their battles. I don't know what weapons Anusha used (or rather I know, but a magician's apprentice never reveals their tricks), but the next thing we know, AR1 is speaking to the captain and they are rushing us through security check and immigration.

And next thing I know, we are seated in the flight (which was supposedly 'full') and taking off to Saigon (now known as BCMC, sorry HCMC).

Turns out we got the crew seats (oops, magic trick revealed), and the crew who were supposed to rest on the return leg had to make do without their seats. Sorry folks. But we needed this break. More than you. 

And that's how we landed at Saigon (now known as HCMC) on a Sunday morning, hungry (because we, sorry, I had not pre-booked an in-flight meal), weary and sleep deprived. Only to encounter a long queue at immigration that took over an hour to clear.

Clearly, Vietnam hates me. 

Unfortunately, the feeling is not mutual. I loved Vietnam. At least, once I got there.  An avocado smoothie at the airport ensured I was no longer cranky.

The actual trip details to follow in another post...

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PS: New Year Resolution to try and revive the blog. Let's see how it goes. 

PS1: New Year Resolution to check every SMS from now on.