Baby Songs

If you are crappy and you know it, wipe your ass
If you are crappy and you know it, wipe your ass
If you are crappy and you know it
And you really shouldn't show it
If you are crappy and you know it, wipe your ass!

Wet your nappy and you know it, raise a stink
Wet your nappy and you know it, raise a stink
Wet your nappy and you know it
And you really should just throw it
Wet your nappy and you know it, raise a stink!

If you pee-pee and you know it, piss some more

If you pee-pee and you know it, piss some more

If you pee-pee and you know it

And you really want to shove it

If you pee-pee and you know it, piss some more!

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PS1: Inspired by an episode of two and a half men, where Charlie sings some jingle to make a kid piss.

PS2: If I ever have kids, I will sing this to them...

Punch Drunk!

If you drink a lot of port wine, and then promptly puke (yeah, yuck!), would it be called deportment?

And if your friend offers you more port wine after this incident, can it be said that he's reporting you?

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You may begin, but I also need tonic.

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The slush you are drinking is a cheap commodity. The one I have is an elite brandy.

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Once, I was so drunk I didn't know whiskey to open my house with.

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If you see a joker too many, maybe you are overdoing the rummy part.

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Whenever you think you have offended someone, it might be a good idea to tell them "Please beer with me"

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I love to eat rice, but I can't drink its wine for God's sake!

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Once I saw a girl merely nodding to the barman and he brought her apple wine. Turned out, he knew what was in cider mind.

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Once I went to a fancy dress party where I think I saw the green fairy, but turned out she was absinthe.

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PS 1: Inspired partly by this lady's post on random word play. And partly by the wonderful booze session with my friends yesterday night.

PS 2: Some years ago, I was a chamathu, god-fearing, pure vegetarian, teetotaler Iyer payyan. Who only hit on, you guessed it, fruit punch.